...No love, Pride, Deep-fried Chicken..!

NO! YOUR NOT PERFECT....NEITHER AM I..!

2011-11-20T19:42:00.001-08:00

I have been really busy lately. I haven’t had the chance to think much about myself these days except maybe those ten minutes of that time before I fall asleep every night. And the next morning I dive right back into figuring out complex ratios of current and resistance that is my job.

So with a knack to day dream and constant wandering thoughts of mine I have been wondering a lot about life and love. Being caught in the early 20’s crisis, everything at this point is scary. The job, the marriage, the future and the future plans.

I was just out with a friend and he asked me “what my ideal partner was?’” I told him “I don’t have any conjured image of an ideal man in my mind. At least not now. I did once upon a time. But not now.”
I guess after being in dating scene and taking a break for a VERY long just to be on my own and figure things out I have come to a conclusion that there is nothing called “Perfect person”. Theres probably something called “Perfect timing”. If the timing is right, things fall into place. If not, you just have got to pick up the shards and move on and hope that they mend in time by filling your life with little things that give you joy and happiness.

The point I am trying to make is. You need the right time to bring the happiness you seek. The right time might be NOW. Or you just need to wait with patience and hope its worth it.

I have never really had the fairy tale relationships in my life. They were mind numbing, harrowing days of my life, where, when you look back you only find deception, double crossing, Injustice, irrationality and distrust staring back at you. It’s distressing really that you couldn’t have the grey matter in your brains to have made a better decision about them. I don’t believe in having regrets. I only believe in lessons that they taught me and made me for who I am today. When I was in my late teens I did have an Ideal man conjured up in my brain. And luckily (You will figure why I say luckily) I had met someone like that too. Someone who did match up to the bullets of my Ideal man list.(Yes, I had a list)
No 1 *BAM!* No. 2 *BAM!* No. 3 *BAM!*…..

And then you think “Whoa! This fits!” And then you feel there is some cosmic dance this universe was up to when you two forces managed to collide and hit it off. You tend to love everything about the other person. You tend to idolize them in your mind. Shit! That sounds just so peachy and lame doesn’t it.
But that’s what ‘First loves’ do right? They bring those butterflies in your stomach every time you think about him/her. You can’t seem to fall asleep in the nights because you re unsettled and every cell in your brain craves for him/her. You wake up with a huge smile on your face every morning and hum a tune to yourself when you‘re travelling. You smile randomly at odd times every time his/ her name crosses your mind and your friends think you‘re weird. Maybe not all of you go through this. At least not the ones who don’t believe in Love at first sight, and prefer to tread cautiously and tentatively. But the rest of the souls who aren’t blessed with all that patience will be diving in and out of love again and again. We‘re fated to it. We might as well live with it. And those people who do have that one person that they can rely on and go back to at the end of the day are probably the luckiest of the lot. Thank your lucky stars.

And I have come to believe that every one of us has skeletons and crazy hidden inside of us. Just about everybody. And when you see the person naked (Metaphorically, speaking) for who they really are, and you realize that you both are poles apart when it boils down to fundamentals. That’s when the harsh truth hits you that your bullets you crossed off comparing your “Ideal man” traits hardly matter and it just comes down to three basic things : Trust, Companionship and Chemistry. It’s just that simple. This isn’t some philosophy I am trying to paint into someone’s brain. It’s my own experience after being in two disastrous relationships in my life with people who had the god complex of ‘wannabe’ rockstars and considered themselves “Connected to music” because they had Jim Morrison or an Opeth T shirt tucked away in their cup board or owned a discography of Pink Floyd and Metallica to get high on or have this theory on mathematics and its relation to romance. Gosh! I am over that. Like one of my friend says, ‘I am a magnet for the weirdo’s present in this planet earth.’
Reminds me of a line:

“Please don’t put your life in the hands,
Of rock and roll band,
And throw it all away” – Don’t look back in anger by the Oasis.

Someone once told me, that I was not in Love, but I was in Love with the idea of being in Love. And how true was he! But I am betting that eighty percent of the women out there are just that. After growing up reading stories about Rapunzel , Cinderella and Swan lake and watching romantic soggy movies of Meg Ryan you would like to fall in love with the very idea of being in love. Let alone the person you‘re in love with. Every woman would love her knight to come bounding up to her in a white golden steed and sweep her off her feet and take her to a world where theres green grass and mountains and just the two of you basking underneath the warm sun. Ah! How Pansy! Ha-ha…

And after getting your heart broken and being let down, comes a period of self pity and a sense of worthlessness which you try and beat it away by gluttony. But nothing really helps. Not that big bar of chocolate you just finished or that glass of beer you try drowning yourself into or the swings of shallow meaningless sex.

I have had my time to recuperate. I probably gave up dating altogether by just trying to be alone. And mind you I said alone, not ‘lonely’. I focused on ME. And this really did help me. Just to fill that empty void by dating every other inappropriate male doesn’t cut it. Theory behind this is: In spite of dating just about 0.1 percent of the total men in this planet you actually tend to get more depressed and aligning your thoughts in the direction of “Men are the same”. And truth to be told, staying away from the dating scene helped me massively on staying on track and not losing hope on the imbecile creatures called Men. I am only kidding. Really. *Smiling*

So why I am writing this is, to tell you two things. Actually three things. First of all, you need to love yourself for someone else to fall in love with you. (Sounds like a line I just picked up from a agony aunt column in some magazine doesn’t it? Hmm… But I mean it.) You have got to find that happiness within you to actually stay happy with someone else. The second one is to stop looking for The ONE. There’s absolutely nothing of such sort at all. Just some made up fantasy by a starry eyed brunette in those classic movies or our very own Bollywood which tell you the story of two lovers journey to each other but display the words “The end” when you ‘re curious to know how their journey goes from then on. How boring and disappointing really! And not to mention misleading. It’s just with a little bit of realistic expectations, knowing that the other person isn’t and can never be perfect and the right timing that make this whole lot easier.

And the third being optimistic and having faith. Optimism and faith is a huge drive for people. It is even bigger than any religion combined. It can keep your engines chugging along in search for your share of happiness in this world and keep you afloat in your bleak times.

It’s amazing really how the universe is in a constant motion and making things happen at the right time and at the right moment. Imagine if things happened all at once. I think it did be pretty disastrous and chaotic. So I urge you to take a minute and thank the universe and its pace and have faith in the coming times that is your tomorrow.

“There are two kinds of love...in the safe kind you look for someone who's exactly like you. It's what most folks settle for. But then there's the other kind of love. Everyone's born with a ragged edge, and some folks crave that piece that's a perfect fit. You'll search for it forever, if you have to. And if you're lucky enough to find it, it looks so right, you start to tear at your own seams, thinking, maybe I could look just as perfect. But then, of course, when you try to get close to their other half, you don't fit anymore. That kind of love...you come out of it a different person than you were when you started.”
- Jodi Piccoult

"There's a thunder in our hearts, baby."

2011-09-13T02:02:00.000-07:00

Why do I think of you as an addiction?
How did I fall into that hole in your life?
Today seems like you,
Tomorrow seems like all about you.

Maybe this is where I fit,
At the sojourn of your heart.
I lay there with my eyes closed,
Your fingers running through my hair.
Just for a moment you smelled of roses, hope and faith.

I did give my sleep away for you,
To sit starry eyed and listen to the wind rustling in your coat.
I did walk these roads again,
just to find you standing at the corner with a bunch of daises.
I did never tie my hair up,
if you like the way it tickles your chin every time you hug me.

I did dream of rainbows,
But laying there beside you,
upon green grass and staring into the twilight skies.
I find the magic hovering above us.
Is it the night that whispers?
Or did you just say something that I have never heard before?
Hold my hand and make me feel,
all your love to the point of eternity.

Eclipse.

2011-06-15T13:00:00.001-07:00

Eclipsing moon,
Eclipse my heart.
Someone doesn't want to fall in love again,
Not tonight baby,
Not tonight.

2011-06-13T01:20:00.000-07:00

It's crazy, right? To love someone who's hurt you?
It's crazier to think that someone who hurts you loves you.

SLUT : A woman with the morals of a man. (One night stand Story)

2011-04-30T06:26:00.000-07:00

“I think every woman should have a one-night stand. If it's done right, it can be liberating.”
Rachel Perry

"I think monogamy goes against our basic biology." - Emma (Natalie Portman) In No strings attached.

It was like any other morning. Weary, raining and fucking gloomy...
I heard my prompt alarm ring at 7 this morning and it’s been ringing since the last fucking five minutes. My unconscious mind takes a little time register the Beep-beep of that alarm. I tried opening my eyes and I realize the feeling in my head like there is someone in my Cerebrum Cortex trying to drill a hole with a god damn jack hammer. Oh god! My eye lids hurt. Like they were acting under some downward gravity. I fucking open them anyway. I try sitting up and I wonder what’s going on. I am stark naked under my thin Linen sheet. With a bat of an eyelash every event of last night flashed through me like a bolt of lightening. I looked beside me on the bed and it was fucking empty. Thank god for that!

I slip into my gown and head into my kitchen for a drag. I light up a cigarette and walk over to the window. Its still pouring and it looked as though it’s been pouring all night. Ah! The night! I smiled to myself at the very thought of it. And the next moment I felt nauseated with my head pounding... I put out my fucking cigarette in the ash bowl and go over to my drawer to find some fucking aspirin for this goddamn throbbing headache. I can’t really stand physical pain. Really. It’s too weary to even ignore the pain. I pop in two pills. And I wish the headache would stop already. I see myself in the mirror on my cupboard and I see purple bruises on my chest.I wonder if they looked bad enough that if a concealer could hide it. I can deal with that later. I go over to my living room to find my hand bag which lay on my couch and fish in for my god damn cell phone. And yes, six missed calls and all from work. Never knew I was so goddamn important anyway.Its a god damn Saturday. I just ignore the fucking call log. I thanked god for no calls from my mom. See, If she ever questioned me on what I was upto, I had to lie and rid her off the concern by telling her I was a busy girl working round the clock.. And she was always fucking concerned about something or the other anyway. But I guess all moms are like that, aren’t they? I don’t mind her really. She tends to get lonely at times.

I just lay my head back on the couch and light up another cigarette and switched on the Telly. It showed some news about a football team winning a tournament and a handsome man carrying the trophy running around the field flanked by his fucking team mates..I don't care about that. I just sit back and mull over the details of the night through the haze of worst hangovers of my life. See, I was so fucking drunk last night that I hardly can remember the events at all. I need a few cigarettes, some aspirin and some peace to bring the memories of the last night. Last night was nevertheless fucking amazing. I had met couple of my phony girlies for some light gossip which we had no fucking interest in anyway and trance music at this local pub. We drunk our feelings till we reeked of Vodka Cranberries through our skin. So we’re at this goddamn dingy pub playing some crappy music in the background which gets you ever more high. And then some crazy bitch who is in her plunging neck lined dressing in my group thinks its funny to dare me to have two shots of tequila back to back. And I was like Oh yeah?! Challenge accepted, bitch! So we swagger up to the bar and order two more shots and a shot each for my home girls. Well after the the fucking shots all I remember was talking to this real fun guy who had this Goth tattoo on his arm. I don’t remember how I got there. But I was talking to him alright. And he seemed funny and charming and totally suave as far as I can remember. See, I like men who re smooth and classy unlike the fucking cheap men who smell of sweat and beer. So I was chatting up with this classy man right and he looked strong and masculine with sharp features that outlined his face like some fucking movie star I can’t quite remember. In the blaze of hangover I still can’t remember who. And that smile... I still remember that smile.Damn!

And somehow I don’t really remember how he winded up on my front porch. I guess it was raining. We were kissing passionately and wildly. I mean real passion, like it’s only the two of us who ever knew what lust meant. And my front porch was drenched in rain. His arms around my wet body and my arms on his wet shoulders and we wondered if there is anything else in the world that fits perfectly. I don’t even remember his fucking name for gods sake. But here I am with my eyes closed and unearthing the details of the night through my brain, addled by alcohol and nicotine.

**Cause I love you, baby,
How I love you, darling,
How I love you, baby, **

That was fucking Led Zeppelin in the back ground last night. How did the music come to play is something I don't quite remember. I love this song "Since I have been loving you" by this cult band. It was classy, smooth, mysterious and sexy! Just like the guy who was hastening to undo my pants. God! He could put me in an all time high with his passionate kisses and skilled hands running down my spine a minute later.

** I've been working from seven to eleven every night,
I said It kinda makes my life a drag,drag,drag,draaaaaggg....
Lord, that ain't right... **

....Yes Drag, drag drag...It was a perfect song for us I guess. His moves and his elements of surprise told me he must be an absolute romantic with a hint of that kinky edge. I like that in a man. Yeah I do. He was strong and he knew how to look into my eyes. But see the thing about one night stands is you don’t make love. You just fuck. You shut out this small but essential part inside of you from him and rest of the world and leave some room to pacify yourself in the moments of guilt and shame the next morning, if any. I always leave a room in my soul from which I plan to plant the seed to resolve and hope to be a better person by eliminating the fucking pain and sorrow that resides in me. And sometimes being with a guy who knows how to touch you does the trick.

The universal law of ‘One night stand’, that is if there was any such law, is simple. No strings attached and honestly fun if u ask me. It involves two people who are driven by just pure lust. A little bit of alcohol to get a little comfortable. A slow and light conversation to get you started with. And those small little seduction games we girls know so well. I am sure even the fucking men know it too. And you have to like surprises and spontaneity. I mean the chances are you might end up with some guy who is a real weirdo,a rapist or someone who has three testicles!. So you see there are fucking risks involved. And nothing gives me the thrill of anticipating what the guy sitting beside me in the ride might fucking be like. Half the fun is in finding out what I do not know.

And the man I was with last night was amazing. He was strong, assertive and had this little streak of domination. I liked that. I am like shy and submissive types. Really. I am just the types who go with the flow. I have been with many men. Some are idiots who even ask your permission to unhook your bra and some who are plain weirdo, at the heights of experimentation and sodomy.. That wasn’t the case last night, I smiled to myself reminiscing.

**I've been working from seven, seven, seven,
to eleven every night,
It kinda makes my life a drag...**

Hot, wet, cold and steel. I was there clinging onto him with this white hot pleasure consuming all of my senses. The air around us smelled of that sickly scent of sweat mingled with vodka. I could feel the cold and sticky sweat dripping from my neck down my fucking spine as my nerves go throbbing in my body and the earth shook around us. My nerves were pulsing in the perfect synchronization with the line “Drag drag drag…” blaring out of my stereo. I wanted to scream so bad! And then.... we collapse on to the floor of heaven that is my bedroom. And I am back to the point where I woke up this morning. He wasn’t there beside me which is a good thing. He must have left early this morning. See, I don’t really fancy awkward chit-chats and the surprise of finding someone next to you and pretending to go “Oh my fucking god! What did I do?”
You got fucked girl. You got some good fucking. That’s it. You had fun. I had fun. Let’s keep at that. Simple.

See the thing about one night stand is you never really cuddle or have this awkward chit-chats after you are through with venting out all your passion. It’s weird, really. It’s fucking weird. A lot of my lot give me the disapproving looks when I bring home different men frequently. It’s like I were obliged to give up my pleasures of life and milk the 'stinking cow' rules society comes up with. which is aimed at giving up your integrity anyway.

They‘re always asking me to find this nice man and settle down and make a family. Ah! Nice man.If only... It’s like trying to find some fucking pearl in a large ocean of shit weed. It’s so much more convenient when I am having my own fucking goddamn life to take care of without a boyfriend shackled around my neck. Fucking nice men!

I open my eyes. And realize that my cell phones vibrating again beside me. It’s my sister who basically treats me like a fucking ATM. I just ignore it and lay my head back down and think. A year ago my life was all you could ask for. It was all sunshine, daisies and a man to love you with each passing day. Someone who doesn’t drive you so to the point of fucking murder. Who does not fucking humiliate you. It’s sometimes nice to just have a man with whom I can just sit and read a magazine with. No conversation. Just fucking sit. Ah! Bliss!

I don’t really want to get into my past. It’s fucking depressing anyway. And it’s been a while since I were with a man who knew how to treat a woman. I kind of have this tendency to tune out anything that is nice and safe. I am just fucking scared to let go of myself and open up to someone and go a little crazy. Man it is! I am just too happy being on my own. It’s too easy. It’s too fucking easy if you ask me. And why would anyone want to change a fucking thing like that? At least I wouldn’t want to. And plus I deserve a little fun eh?

Thats just that.Here I am laying on my couch and smoking out little rings of smokes into the air in my living room with my subsiding head ache and humming that fucking song by Led Zepellin. And I smile. I also smile at everybody who did want to call me a slut.Especially those phony girls I was with last night. After all in my definition, a slut is someone who has the exact same morals of a man. And that in my fucking opinion isn’t too bad.

**Don't you hear, Don't you see them falling,
Don't you hear, Don't you see them falling.**

Researched most of the details over on Penthouse letters (Romance)
This is purely fictional and not based on anybody's life events.

Creaking Cricket..!!!

2011-04-14T04:37:00.000-07:00

Yes. I know you re outraged. I had to find the immense courage in me to write this piece, honestly. No one really compared anything to Cricket! But I always thought Cricket was long, droning and boring. I have always been into games that make me pee in my pants and which have high levels of excitement in such short time. Like maybe Hockey, BasketBall of Football.
I personally love Football. I had an immense pleasure watching the FIFA world cup which happened at Africa. I danced to the tunes of “We ‘re the champions”, “Waka Waka” and “Wavin’ flag”. I screamed out loud every time Germans scored their Goals. I was so drenched in anticipation every time there was a Football match. I drooled over hot Foot ball players who I wish were my lovers for maybe just a day! And just to logically space out the rift between Football and Cricket.

Cricket has too many terminologies. I mean run rate, Pitch bounce, LBW, Bowling style, First, second and third Umpires, One run, two runs, four runs and six runs, No ball, Wide, Stump, Spinner, Fast bowlers and I can go on. if I knew more. Haha! But honestly I don’t and don’t bother with it. Whats the fuss anyway.
Football ..well one ball eleven men and goals to be made. Simple terms. Simple game.

Cricket is dull and “ball after ball” drone going on like forever. That means my TV viewing will be off for the whole day. Even FB updates don’t keep me company as they drone on about Cricket. And don’t even get me started on test matchs.
Football has the aggressiveness which does not match up to the Cricket excitement. Ninety minutes of high packed super duper action. Guess I like it fast!

Cricket men are a little too mature, old and boring. And full clothed men just standing there waiting for the ball to come to them is lame.
Needless to say, Worlds eleven sexy men running around in jersey and shorts with sweat dripping off them. And a piece of Information: Sweat if one of the aphrodisiacs to woman. And no head gear, hand gear and knee pads and stuff.

Cricket does not encourage sense of fashion. I never did enjoy Dhoni's Brown dyed mane or Malinga’s Noodle hair where he looks like a cross between a chimp and a Lion. I mean, Seriously!
Football has a fashion statement. Be it David Beckhams Mohawk or Cristiano Ronaldos tan, they re absolutely too hot to handle. No wonder they get all the best looking woman as their WAGS.

Cricket has lesser injuries compared to Football. I mean I am not a sadist or something where I want to see a player getting hurt or breaking a few bones on the field. But hey! I like scars. I like bruise marks. All rugged and scarred men turn me on. Remember Robin Scherbatsky from How I met your mother? I am like her. I like men who get bloody, dirty and mix it all up! And Football men?…Boy oh Boy!

Cricket is weather dependent. Needs sunshine and pleasant weather all the time. Because the “pitch” could get destroyed.
Football is played even when there is a rain. And Wet men running around on the slushy field is just an add on. And plus the game gets more dirtier and aggressive.

Cricket, utmost has match fixing, Greg Chappell, Bhajji slapping over emo Sreesanth, or Malinga breaking bats.
Football has head butts. Guess, 'don’t think just shoot' is the policy here.

Endure your husband, boyfriend or fiance in front of the TV for 9 hours ignoring you for Cricket.
Ninety minutes and he is all yours after wards!

But the only thing that is disappointing is we do not a have qualifying Indian Football team as nothing other than Cricket runs this country. It is also compared to religion in this country. Football could also have generated that frenzy within our country men but sadly our government thinks other wise and puts all its money in Cricket.

Like Russell Peters puts it, “We have like a fucking one Billion people in India and you can’t find eleven men to kick a goddamn ball?”
True isn’t it? But I am not getting into all that. And nor should you.
Just feel me and my thoughts. Once, before you leave criticisms a aplenty.
Yes I don’t understand cricket. But the fact is I. Don’t. Like. It. Period.

Kiss.

2011-04-11T00:56:00.000-07:00

For me personally everything’s on a kiss – Anna Friel.

A kiss can be a deal maker or breaker in a lot of situations. Scientifically a Kiss can tell you a lot about the other person. The chemicals which get exchanged when u kiss can signal the type of mate the other person could be. That’s just a scientific part of it. But when it comes to dating game it can account to a lot of things. Wikipedia describes a kiss in a most contemptuous manner, and it goes like this: A kiss is pressing ones lip to another lip or a body part or object. Hell that was romantic.

It’s certainly a breathtaking scene when you see on screen stars kissing in a romantic scenario and you think a kiss can be magical. It can stop the whole world, as Gerri in P.S. I love describes, “By kissing the other person would be the end of the world as we know it” which left Holly breathless and swooning at the spot. Even the princess in Sleeping Beauty was awakened by the young man who kissed her to revive her. Ah! The romantics involved in a kiss. It can be a sign of love, passion and affection or just plain ritual. But its always special.

Everything starts, from the moment you kiss – the chemistry, the passion, the affection, possession and all the heady days of being lost in that embrace.! It can heal a heart, it can make your pulses race, and bring that crackling chemistry back between the two of you... So when it does come to love, kissing plays a important role and I will mention this again that it can be a deal breaker and deal maker.
So why the Hoo-hah about a kiss anyway? Have you ever felt like wanting to be being pulled in a tight embrace and locking your lips with the person you love at a sunset beaches or cool velvety night under the stars? Even Scarlett O’ Hara was once been taunted by Rhett Butler who once said “You need to be kissed, and u need to be kissed badly, and by a person who knows how to.” And then he pulls her onto him by her waist and gives her the passionate kiss like he was the only one who ever knew how to kiss. And it’s a total surrender to a man who does know how to kiss. At least I did like to think Rhett Butler was a fabulous kisser who could want you coming back for more.

When in subject of kissers, there are three types: The good, bad and the ugly. Good kissers probably bring jitters and butterflies in your stomach. A bad kisser well…can make you want to say “Aren’t we done yet?” And an ugly kisser is all about the tongue and can make you cringe at the thought of it.

And I honestly have kissed almost all the types. The good, bad and the ugly! The good ones swept me off my feet and it was visit to blue serene beaches and roller coaster ride in just 20 seconds! Magical! Its great to have someone kiss you who knows how to. And the bad, have no idea what a kiss is and just go the crude way, which they probably learnt out of a dirty Indian porn video. It’s disgusting really. And ugly kissers are just ugly who believe in eating your face rather than kissing you. Its all about the tongue. Its not like we‘re an Ice cream ready to be licked up. I could honestly take a knife and slit that tongue out! That is an absolute turn off to be slopped upon with your body fluids. And if you defend saying that “It was a French kiss”. Well let me tell you that French kissing is the path for gearing up into the second base of your steamy sessions. And I was just merely talking about a kiss and not some Dr. Oz make out techniques. I mean you aren’t an animal are you? Even bad breath can make you faint. That can be a real deal breaker. All your passion and chemistry can be decided by just a kiss. And either it can grow or vanish in an instant.

So next time slop all your tongue over a persons face, just for the record you better be sure where you stand. Because he or she might just throw you off the stairs thinking you re some cow with lot of wad in your mouth. A kiss can decide chemistry between two people and it’s easy to fizzle out if you don’t know your moves. You better know! But just to a be a little fair, for the first timers, let me give you the fact that you ‘re going to be bad at it the first time you ‘press your lips against someone else’s’ This happens to a majority of people. But then you learn and get better with experience and practice. Even I was bad. Bad as a goose! But your first always remained etched in your memories for years to come. Be it the first kiss behind your school walls, back of a car or at a beach with your toes in the Arabian sands. Its always special. After all firsts are first. But yeah you get better and learn the technique.. And now at least I did proudly say that the guy I would fall in love with probably might just earn his brownie points.

So read up. Internet is vast. It can tell you the know how. And you want the girl or the guy to who can keep the passion going on right? Not some sloppy kisser who can soap up your face with his Saliva and Goo.
Be kissable.

“A kiss is a beautiful trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become frivolous.”

Honestly, I dont know!!!!

2011-04-05T03:30:00.000-07:00

"There are days when outside your window
I see my reflection as I slowly pass
And I long for this mirrored perspective
When we'll be lovers, lovers at last." - I will possess your heart by Death cab for the cutie.

I have a lot to say when I am dragged into the subject of love and at the same time I am lost. I am a dreamer. Always been. I am a dreamer so big that I always need someone to snap me out of my reverie and give me that one push to pursue them. I dream a lot about love too. Everything from fairy tale romances and the words Nora Roberts puts in her books. But the confusing part is I still have no idea what I really want. Its strange really when you 're constantly searching for something you have no idea about. Its like trying to find that faceless person, I mean literally. And that isn't just a metaphor!

I have had people asking me what I did really want. And I go mute, 'cause I don't really have an answer. Quite honestly, I don't know yet. I have been in two disastrous relationships in my life that almost ruined me and scraped the skin off my back for being dragged around like that. Its wearing actually to think that four years back you had stuff figured out. That is hardly the way things work out right? You fall, you learn to get up and fall again.

I remember falling in love at first sight thinking maybe this is all I have been looking for. Then Poof! All your illusions that you create around yourself vanish and in time you realize this is hardly the thing you were looking for. And all your head over heels passion dies down in a minute and then you just leave your coffee untouched, hardly amused at yourself and with your idiocy. You leave and never look back. I guess sometimes last time means last goodbye. And sometimes you don't even want to put your faith in fate.

Then comes the period of new hairdos, mood shopping, emotional eating, binge drinking, losing track of time, busy heady days with "friends and work and friends and work' cycle, strewn valentine paper cuts on the floor, interpreting creepy little shadows on the wall, unfinished dog eared novels on your bedside table, standing under the shower and trying to wash off the numbness, Venting out your calluses to your friends behind a dingy smoky and cold red lit basements.

And then, comes one of those random days when you wake up find your self being in the garden of lilies while you were looking for roses to poke you in your feet. And you think 'Was that worth it at all?' You realize you are far more better off then you could have been and you snap! Just like that. You come on to the other side free as a bird with a shiny new Armour, that probably becomes your shield and your defense. But just when you have seen everything you wanted in a man, you realize that wasn't needed in the first place. Guess I had my battles between Wants and my Needs. Bless me! Unfortunately I evolved late.

I have lived a very unromantic life. Even in the moments they existed, they vanished over night never to be seen again. So the craving for romance always exists in everybody and it exists in me. And I did like to believe that I am not the only one who has felt this way. I have healed over time and moved on to find happiness and peace within myself.

At one point of time, even having a coffee next to a bunch of green dew grasses, having to rid your face off that pimple , having a cab pull over for you at a no parking area, finding garment with color of your choice, maybe just a smile by a baby in the public transport, a photograph of yours where you look great, an amazing dish prepared by your mom or be it losing a kg or two at the gym, gives you the happiness you thought never existed inside of you. And that will be that first day in weeks that you wake up with a smile and take a deep breath in the morning and give that big hug to your sister.

But the question that arises is who do you share this happiness with anyway..? Nobody likes to be lonely.
Who is the right kind you did want to slice that piece of cake and feed it to him? I don't know honestly!
And honestly, I don't care! Because I have fallen in love...with myself..!

Confused?
Then you did want to ask "What do you girls really want?"

And just like Holly from the movie P.S.I love you, who replied to her friend,
"You wanna know the secret? We ourselves don't know what we want."

And that my friend, is the simple truth.

Tech Saali..!!

2011-03-11T07:31:00.000-08:00

Twenty two years of my presence on this earth has made me realize that “innovation” is a bitch. I grew up in the nineties where Mobile phones were still a dream. The only person who had them was Batman who made it look so cool with all his Hi-fi gadgets and Mobile car. Now Mobiles phones are an essential and our whole lives revolve around them. I knew a time when cordless land line phones were a luxury. LCD Tellys was a fascinating dream. High definition was still in the primitive stage.Boy! We sure have come a long way in technology.And we still have miles to cover.

This isn’t some boring write up on how technology has changed our lives. I am just accounting my journey with technology.

I grew up with a color TV in my home. Some famous brand, back then called “Weston” which had dials for tuning and ten button channel limit. I had a MS-Dos computer with a single C drive and those funny big floppy disks. The only game I ever played on those computer was Dave and Mario. My computer knowledge revolved around words like “Command prompt”, “clear”, “Erase” and “escape”. I still have that age old computer at our home in the storage room.

Then came telephone. Landline telephones and I had spent most of our time making prank calls to people by just dialing in random numbers. I even enjoyed pager owned by my dad. Pagers! Gosh, they were these small little handy devices having a 16*2 LCD display which you tucked it into your belt. And you were cool..! Then the new modification that came to my home was a whooping 36 inch Akai CRT TV. We watched Exorcist, Jurassic Park and Cliffhanger in that big screen. It was the pride of the house. Then came the Refrigerator called Kelvinator. “Kelvin”-nator,Hmmm..! Which by the way is still in use in our home. A lot of Torrinos were stored in that Refrigerator which probably produced 10 percent of the CFC in the world. Haha! The old tinpot Vijay Scooter my dad drove got replaced by a spanking new Maruti 800. Some of our memorable trips to Coorg, Kodaikanal were in that car.I guess we started to fit into that “upper middle class” family tag.

My first ever encounter with Windows and Internet came at the age of ten. My dad wanted me to get familiarized with “internet” so he dropped me off to one of that Dingy internet Parlour near his office and asked this lady to teach me the basics of it. And she did. And I didn’t understand a word she said. She made my first account on Yahoo!. I was under the impression that she was making a Bank account for me. Email Account was something I didn’t really understand. As dumb as it could be, she thought me how to surf and showed me all those fascinating pictures of nine planets. And it cost 65 bucks for an hour of surfing and trying to make me understand what an account meant as I argued with her that accounts should be made in banks and not on computers. I just wanted to play Dave again and to hell with “E-mails” and “browsing”. And game interest moved to Solitaire, Minesweeper, Pinball 3-D and Paint.! I could play Dave and Mario in Colour now! Life couldn’t get better hunh?!

Then came a big washing machine with a single dome in between and it was “automatic” and did the washing without the noise. I honestly thought it was pretty cool as there was no requirement of pulling out cloths from the washer and transfer it into the dryer. And then came Kodak Cameras and Microwave Oven. I still remember the grilled chicken my mum once made in them!The first ever mobile phone was of my Dads. The oldest model of Motorola, with black and white LCD display and an prominent antenna sticking out at the end. I still have that! And laugh at it everytime I see it. My first ever mobile phone came when I finish my high school. It was this ancient model of Kyocera introduced by BSNL with 8 digits as their number. It was the saddest mobile I have had till date which didn’t have the feature of texting. And once I stepped into my graduation I had a spanking new LG mobile, and then came Motorola and now touch screens. My Tv at home changed to an 40 inch LCD TV with surround sound systems.

ATM’s are my 'go-to' for money. Internet is a big part of my life.I know what an e-mail is finally.Haha...And everything thrives on swiftness now. And like I said Innovation is a bitch.And with strong competition everybody’s on the band wagon of innovation.

But I have never been a very tech savvy person going “ooh” and “aah” when I saw a Play station or an X box. I just believe that Technology can be relied to a certain extent, but when it comes to being human we go back to the basics of being a caveman. Living life for some of the basic needs in life. Before you get too addicted to Technology just think of the movie I-Robot.

Past clouds in..!

2011-01-12T03:00:00.000-08:00

I remember those days when I had just completed my high school and looking forward to start my graduation. Not a worry in the world, fearless, Confident and the enthusiasm that would shatter any nail that bore down my path.I Smiled a lot those days, laughed easily and silly with college friends hanging out at a beer bar and enjoying a 99 rs cheap Lager beer.I was a blooming bud and looking onto the sun rays to power me with hope and strength to start a new phase of life.

But thats not what you always get is'nt it? I am so bored of the phrase 'Expect the unexpected.' I have basically fallen a lot many times. tripped over my own mistakes, fallen in love with the biggest mistake in my life, cried over parting friends, complained over failures,passions and inspirations running dry brooded in your lonely times and everything that you did call "life". This journey has been long and exhausting. But still, here I am. Is this some game for the survival of the fittest? Or did that just sound gloomy? Ah! Well I guess I have my moods.

I Sometimes wish to turn back time and be 18 all again once. Brewing with enthusiasm, carefree,throw my teenage viles all around me. Wish I was vulnerable to love and be loved again. Wish I was that fearless soul with a purpose.
Wish I could go back in time and be that fat little chubby girl bright as a penny staring at the world in wonder and taking pictures with her friends.

Have you felt this way?
I am sure you have..!

Ageless Cougar!!

2011-01-04T23:37:00.000-08:00

Make way for the Vamp who wants to have it all!
She is confident, assertive, and independent and gets straight to the point. She is an essential Go – getter and will not settle for another one of those mediocre men to open the door for her.

She can be bold as a panther in the games you play at your routine workplace charades and tease you with hand cuffs in the bedroom. 21st century has brought in the new wave of ladies who are sinfully fun and hard to resist.

Comparing to the old tradition of being tied up to the stove, it took an age long revolt and rebellion to break the bonds, go out there and bring down the wall. The new mantra to follow in the books of a liberated woman is: We get what we demand!
Workplace ethics have faced a gradual shift with manicured claws and high heeled boots to tow away the stereotype regarding woman being much more emotional. It’s only with time that we have learnt the rules of professionalism and practicality and making rational decisions.

Coming to the matter of love and relationships we have taken the high road in wanting the “perfect” guy. If not, we perfect them. We‘re far from being coy and shy and smiling demurely and battling our eye lashes for that O’Hara effect. Remember Carla Bruni turning into a high profile Caleb overnight, Or Aishwariya Rai in Jodhaa Akbar being a voyeur, admiring her husbands’ well toned and strong abs, behind a curtain. Or Kalki Koechlin surviving the tyranny of the society by moaning the sounds of ecstasy on the phone. Or be it Rani Mukherjee throwing in a few abuses to assert herself as a news anchor and a journalist in her latest movie. Or Kareena showing in her love bites on her back gracing a magazine cover. And yes, we all love them.

Well adapted men would appreciate the new age fun woman who can take off on a holiday on her own, or sign her own hard earned property. The others, well, its time that you evolved and got used to the Manicured and painted claws ready to pounce on you if you ‘re in our way. And if you re not in our way, we might just be digging our claws into your backs!

Shedding inhibitions and dispensing controlling puppets, we yearn to fly. Fly high infact. Whether you like it or not, liberated woman are here to stay and warm up to the fact that we don’t need to compromises and shackles of womanly accord bringing us down. We can grace the magazine covers topless, position ourselves as CEO of an organization or fight for our rights. Society is getting used to it. Are you?

Love cannot save you from your own fate - Jim Morrison

2010-12-21T01:08:00.000-08:00

You walked past me,
To remind me how shallow I feel.
The pain subsides,
Yet my insides scream.
I have basked under your love,
Healed under your touch,
Found peace laying in your arms,
Just before you crept into my life,
I knew I did break your heart.

Every moment I spend with you,
You trust me more than I do.
I reside in the nightmares of my past,
If only you could see the future fading fast.
In the white light advancing at last.
You read my mind,
You held my hand,
You filled my life with joy,
But I haven’t erased the pain.
I feed on your trust,
But I drink mistrust.
I wish, the day I met you,
To have turned my back,
And walked into my shell.

You are naive,
And come through like waves,
On my deceived sands.
I can feel you under my frozen toes.
It’s just a matter of time,
Before you realize that there’s this black hole,
Inside of me, somewhere deep,
That threatens to surround us with gray fog.
I am no fortune teller to hope,
I just lay trapped next to you.
I wish you did let me go,
And save yourself,
From all the pain I am going to put you through.

Inspiration: Belinda, from the book “The shore of the woman’.

CALL ME WILL YOU??

2010-12-08T00:34:00.000-08:00

Did you just notice that cute guy up at the bar? Hmm...Tall, handsome, well trimmed facial hair, Good dress sense, smiling ruefully at the world, jabbering away to his friend with a glass of whiskey on rocks he is holding between his fingers. You think there’s this unworldly connection between you and him. And just when you feel the world closing in around you, he looks your way sensing someone watching him. And you quickly look away on an embarrassment of staring.
This is typical me. I am not much of an introvert. But then approaching opposite sex at random places like Pubs and coffee lounge just isn’t my thing. I am from India with exhaustive traditional values that drag me down when it comes to approaching strangers or pertaining to this subject: Men. So it doesn’t come easy to be all EASY.
We re still in bad shape of aping the west and it still has not melted down in our culture. So approaching strangers at the pub or a lounge is still primitive. I wish we were a little more easy going and polite when a stranger approaches you. I have always taken a back seat when it has come to the dating scene and being this typical airy Aquarian makes me all the more aloof and distant. I don’t suffer from self esteem issues. I am rather proud of myself. (No streak of Modesty here. I am just being blatantly honest). Maybe I am too concerned on what image I would create for myself if I did just break the barrier and dole out my number. Or what if he were an abuser, testosterone driven womanizer, or worse a rapist? I guess this is the type of monologue that runs in my head.
I have always wanted to do this: Drain maybe two shots of Vodka in me for courage. Spot this real cute guy at the pub counter. Make him notice you. Smile! Smile a little longer. (The sly and sexy lingering one. Not a bare toothed grin) and then if by any chance he smiles back at you, get a pen and a tissue paper, write your number on it. Drain another shot of Vodka for courage. And then get up. Adjust your dress. Walk up to him and make conversation for a while to ensure he isn’t a jerk and then tell him you re looking for being friends. Give him the tissue paper with your number and leave on a good note and get back to your table and drain another shot of vodka for calming down your nerves.
Did that just sound slutty or being easy? Or is it something guys dream of every time? Or is that tissue paper going to the bin on the sheer thoughts by men of ‘just another girl looking for some action’? Or do you think it’s cute? Or guys by nature are unconsciously chauvinistic and prefer the other way round, of men approaching woman? (As it is more acceptable in our society; Thanks to the Indian mainstream Cinema)
And on a more feministic point of view: Why is a woman approaching a man or being the first to make an advance considered “easy”, “slutty” and “dominating”? Why can’t woman for once call the shots on whom they date? And the remedy I received for this, was from a male friend of mine who said,” Dress nice, Men seem to notice you then”. Oh! You poor creatures! What you don’t understand is when a girl dresses up it’s mostly not to impress the men. It’s a competition between our own woman folks, so having the latest in trend outfits is mainly aimed at woman and not men. And its not like men really care about whether your blouse material is made of chiffon or satin, or your shoes were a custom made of Jimmy Choo himself. And plus we want men to notice us for whom we are and not by what we wear.
So, where do I stand with these inhibitions and thoughts criss-crossing my mind? I just wish for change that girls had the option of having a wing woman. Sigh! Maybe I will have to just go for it once and do it and see it for myself!
Or maybe not...
Help me out will you?!!

Violet bug..!

2010-11-29T01:18:00.000-08:00

Thousand little paper cuts,

Strewn on my bedroom floor.

I sit in the neon glow,

Listening to the rhythmic even flow.

If ever I receive a thousand hugs,

I will send a violet bug to light up my skies.

And then I will strike all his strings,

Setting an everlasting violet phase,

Then everybody will probably recognize this face.

Above the velvet sky,

I fell right through and saw the bug buzz me by,

Among the stars was a warmth he found,

Seeing all the shrewd coldness die.

I curl upon my bed,

Watching the violet bug,

Smiling, watching his shadow on my ceiling.

I let him be,

As he buzzed like a starry orb revolving around me.

2010-11-11T23:43:00.000-08:00

Somewhere over the rainbow,
Blue birds fly,
Birds fly over the window,
Why then?
Oh why can't I fly?

Karma- Scharma..!!!

2010-10-30T00:17:00.000-07:00

What is Karma?
A lot many have tried to interpret this answer for ages. And a lot of answers are probably based on ones wisdom and experience with life. Imagine life to be a vast Gurukul, where everyone is here to live some, learn some and maybe find themselves over the time – Disciples.
And there is something called Dharma which again is linked to Karma, stated in Bhagvat Gita. I have always been a little dumbfounded when the intellectual people chased the subject of Dharma-Karma mumbo-jumbo. I have come to know that life has a design for everybody. And it’s a strange to think that the universe is constantly in motion spaced out by time, concurring that whatever that has to happen eventually does happen and when it does we have to be ready. Life can catch you off guard as well, Give you happiness when you least expect it or bring upon doom. In these make or break situation, all one can do is live that moment completely as nothing lasts long. Again pointing to the ever constant motion of the universe.
So what drives these situations is a question way beyond our thinking that you can derive numerous conclusions on systematic, yet eccentric turn outs of the event life lines up for us. And there is Destiny, which has its own theory, and I have never got the hang of what it meant, ever... I have always been the go-getter types who always stuck to my beliefs stubbornly. So the word Destiny probably doesn’t exist in my dictionary. But strangely, the words Dharma and Karma are closely associated with Destiny. In a more scientific approach, Life is an Oscillator circuit, Evaporation-Condensation cycle, a computer algorithm which constantly gives you a feedback on what Input you feed. So I guess life’s exactly like that. Your action defines the outcomes and later the circumstances and so goes on the cycle.
My Parents always instilled in me that age old line derived from Bhagvat Gita : “ Karmanye Vaadikaraste, Maa phaleshu Kadachana.” (Do your duties unconditionally and never expect the fruit back)
So the real question is: Does Karma really come back? And personally I have believed in this feedback system strongly, some through personal experience and some through my kith and kins. So doing good becomes important and a necessary character in a person to attain peace and satisfaction. History and mythology have always glorified the Good over evil and its always like a Diehard action movies where the evil villain is vanquished and peace prevails!
Karma is one phase. And the other phase is the “coming back to you” phase. And there’s absolutely no sourness when the good times last. Its only when the bad times set in we tend to retort back and ask the question “why me?” It takes a lot more to stay put when the bad rains are here pouring down on you.. Its takes lots of courage, Positive thinking and faith to pull yourself through. No good deed goes waste. And no degree of mercy or forgiveness changes your karma. Your doings are your own and if any demons that roar out of them, its up to you to fight your own battles and suck the poison out of your life and turn into a better person altogether. If you‘re not one of them who wants to change the world out there, which is not a bad thing, trust me. Sometimes the change has to be from within to inspire those around you. You can do your share by smallest of gestures which make a huge difference in this universe. Just be good, work hard, stay compassionate, stay positive, value your family and most importantly respect life and not degrade it by undermining its potential to throw you over like a wave of tsunami. Most importantly, Smile! There’s something called life that will smile back at you as well and you don’t want to miss that do you?

Newton’s third law of Motion: Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

Freedom skies..!

2010-10-29T01:08:00.000-07:00

Is it time already?
To realize that there is a pain that does not hurt.
Is this the end of the line?
One step ahead is an eternity of freedom.

Blurry morning with rain drops pouring,
My window fogs up clearing my mind.
The strangest feeling in the world pleads to bind,
To engulf me and protect me.

Every breath of air screams of freedom,
You made a spot and wondered about it a lot.
Every screech of the wind carves a fresh gash,
Every move I make seems unconscious,
But you know you‘re not dreaming.

You wake up to the gloom,
And yet it seems to bloom.
You wake up the dullness,
Yet it so bright.
You wake up to forget the night,
Yet the deception feels so right.

This is for all those people who re at the point in their lives where nothing seems right, But nothings seems wrong either. Its just vast land of freedom to roam around.

Dont ever underestimate the power of freedom.

2010-10-03T11:02:00.000-07:00

Similarity between me and Isabella Swan : We both are hopelessly in love.

Dissimilarity : Edward loved her back.

2010-09-10T10:31:00.000-07:00

I wasted my time loving you,
Now I waste my time missing you..!

2010-09-10T10:18:00.000-07:00

How people treat you is their Karma. How you react is yours.!

Dumbest Reality shows ever..!!

2010-09-01T08:53:00.000-07:00

Okay let me take some time out and list all the dumbest "Reality" shows ever.

Celebrity Big brother - This show shows how we humans cant stand our own kinds - Humans.

Moment of truth - We learn a valuable lesson here : Secrets should stay as secrets sometimes.

Simple life : Nothing to say. Its got Paris "bitch" Hilton "acquiring" skills like plumbing and stuff wearing her make up and her six - inch stilettos. The only thing she doesn't wear is her panties.

Growing up Gotti : Grow up Veronica..! And for some reason I have always seen her in white polo neck blouse and a white short skirt with white boots. And one question, Are those implants..?

Flab to fab : Fat people cribbing and cribbing.. and more cribbing. And not to mention the sweat. Eww..!

Chris Angels 'Mind freak' - Chris you are afreak..!

The Apprentice - I so wanna shoot Donald Trump in his head the next time he says "You are fired".

Ghost Hunters - What..?

Americas next top model - The name of the show should have been Americas next top nobody. I mean seriously, where do they disappear after the show?

Rendouvous with Simi Garewal - Why are you in white all the time woman? It hurts my eyes..!

Takeshis castle - You know Asians are innovative but strangely weird. I don't know why every Person taking part in that show acts like he/ she is going to meet Donald Duck.

How about the desi ones?

Emotional Attyachar - Watching your show is an attyachar.What a bunch of fakers.

Koffee with Karan - Its got Karan Johar.

Rakhi/ Rahul ka Svayamvar - Oh! my god, shoot me in the head. How can you make a joke of a such a sacred institution called Marriage?

Channel V Dare to date - Concept of this show : Make a cat and a dog date. After that watch the fun. And somebody please get rid of Andy..!

Axe your Ex - Take revenge on your ex who was probably a loser just so that you can get some footage. What the hell are they preaching anyway? Revenge and payback?

Spiltsvilla - Ummm..."Sluts"villa..!!

Desi Girl - Cat fights and sheer overacting..! Sambhavana Seth was a dude before. ask her if she went through some hormone therapy.

Meethi Churi no. 1 - Good girls gone bad. But with a downside of massive douchery all the time by Rakshanda Khan.

Kitchen Champion - Does Ronit Roy know how to boil an egg?

The player - Till this date I never understood a damn what this game is about.

Beg, Borrow, steal - Does anybody even watch this show? I guess not.

Koi mujhe iss jungle se bacchao - eh?

Kya aap paasvi pass hain? - Flop show!! In spite of having Shahrukh Khan on board.

Kamzor Kaddi kaun - Neena Gupta ji zaara "Saans" lijiye..! ( Neena Gupta, take some breath)

Main, tum aur mum - What was this whole show about anyway?

Next a massive pain the ass :
Rakhi ka Insaaf - Ek, Do, Teen, Chaar, Bandh karo yeh attyachar..!! ( 1,2,3,4, please stop this atrocity). Dare to watch it?

2010-08-26T09:08:00.000-07:00

Shaam tanhaayi ki hain,
Aayegi manzil kaise..?

2010-08-25T02:37:00.000-07:00

The love that lasts longest is the love which is never returned. - Somerset Maugham

2010-08-25T02:19:00.001-07:00

A man who had just died, arrived at heavens gate. Before allowing him
entry, St. Peter asked him if had ever loved a woman.
"No", the man replied, "Not a single one."
"Did you have a friend you cared for?"
"No."
"Perhaps you loved a pet? Did you not feel a love for nature?"
"No."
"What took you so long to get here?" asked a surprised St. Peter.
"You have been dead for ages." - Readers Digest.

My sister and me..! Her tryst with Diabetes. ( Part 2)

2010-08-25T01:52:00.000-07:00

( Continued from part 1 )
So after like two hours and a half, I was back at the hospital. I went back to my sister with her comic books. I remember sitting with her for the next few hours reading out stuff to her and showing some illustration with interruptions of the nurses for their hourly check up on her. I asked my mom to eat something. But she wouldnt budge. I didnt really know what my mother was going through. She had a straight face all along. ICU had started to get to me. I had to get out. I went down to the canteen and get something parceled for my mom. And as I was at the hospital canteen which was on the opposite block, I sat there hating god and his ways. I really wanted to confront him one on one and demand from him some answers. I mean my sister did not do anything wrong. She was just my baby.We didnt want anything special. Just a normal functioning family. How could you inflict something like this on her? I know there are other kids and other families who face a worser deal. But I am not soul searching right now and dont really care about other kids and their family. I am angry and desperate with my baby sister in the ICU being pricked in her fingers every hour. This isnt fair.!! I think. I leave my food untouched and walk out of the canteen with a parcel in hand.
At night, ICU's allow only one relative at the patients side. So my mom insisted that she did stay with my sis. So I left the ICU with a relief that I didnt have to be in that hellhole. I saw my weakness setting in as the night progressed. The hallways became less crowded and finally empty, with a eerie feeling of a graveyard and the smell of the IV. I perched myself in one of the benchs that lined the hallway. I just sat there, weak and tears in my eyes waiting to pour out. I sat there for very long, in that empty hallway with distant *beep beep* somewhere and occasional presence of the nurses from the ICU to probably make a call at the reception. But restlessness caught me and I started pacing around my floor, again empty..If tired I did just lay down on the bench and close my eyes, hoping to wake up and find myself dreaming. But sadly that didnt happen.
So thats how the whole grueling night passed. Morning I find my self woken up by my mom. I go and see my sister and she is okay, Perched on her bed, tired and teary eyed. But then the grueling night was over and it was a new dawning day. I went over to her and told her about her bunny slippers I got her. She smiled slightly and we chit-chatted for a while and then we just sat in silence. I leave the ICU for a while and make a few phone calls. After draining about three cups of watery dull coffee I meet my dad and tell him everything is fine.and you can meet her. Later that day some of my other relatives had come down to visit my sister as well. I guess it did a little change for my bored and angry sister. I remember this one point of walking over to my sister in the ICU and seeing her scold the doctor asking him what his problem was as he approached her to prick her already sore fingers. The doctor was taken aback, but sympathetic. I wanted to laugh. I went up to her to chit chat with her again. But I guess all my cousins being there wasn’t helping as they were shocked and appalled by the news. They were out there on the corridor with their grim faces and disbelief written all over their faces. One of my aunt literally had tears in her eyes as she was my sisters favourite aunt. It was hard to watch. The emotional turmoil everybody going through watching my sister lying in the ICU was getting to me.. So I sat there with my sister in the ICU and consoling her as she was begging me to take her home.
The blood sugar levels are stabilizing and she could be shifted a to a ward if you like : Said the doctor that afternoon. Phew ! A relief spread over everybodys face. I was elated that atleast she didn’t have to stay in that dingy and creepy ICU now. So we gladly moved her out.
My sister didn’t belong there, She was a free bird who belonged to the big , wide world outside. She was supposed to be playing with her dollys, finger painting, reading her favourite Betty and Veronica comics, watching Cartoons on TV, Talk extensively about her favourite bollywood hero, Play games on my lappy, Take 45 minutes to finish her bath and play with the soap lather, take an whole hour to eat an apple, irritate me by calling me “brownie- brownie”, wear sweet PJ’s having Tweety pictures on them, Compare my height and her height and say she is growing taller, Comb her Barbies hair,Go around in her bunny slippers, throw tantrums, talk about her friends, sleep away hugging her dolls, draw everybodys face in the family, crib about drinking milk.all those things. a normal girl of her age would do.
I guess watching her walk around her room made us realize that this situation wasn’t worse after all. The other kids in the ICU were far more affected by their grueling fate and battling life. It could have been worser, but it wasn’t, and that’s all that matters. Most of the problems at start might look hopeless and can bring in despair and anger. But sometimes acceptance works wonders in tackling any issues. Acceptance gets you by, It helps you cope with the situation, It helps you look at the positive side. And that’s what happened to my family. We accepted her fate and its wishs. Sometimes Its easier to give and charge rather than live in disbelief and wonder what went wrong and curse.
Of all the people, I expected, my sister to have fallen apart and crumbled under the pressure of fear, frustration and constant medication. But surprisingly she was the one who took it in her stride and was excited about having to learn how to give insulin shots by herself. I sometimes wonder how would I have reacted to a situation like this if I was her age. How I would have cried for 4 insulin shots per day. I wouldn’t be as brave as her. Or maybe she was just too young to even know what was happening. Who knew..
But above all that, I am just glad that she is fine and going by her life like any other normal child. But the fact is she might live like a normal child after all. But she will always be my special princess to me. She is my lifeline, my strength and my weakness both. I never knew I had the power to love someone like the way I do for her. I could give my life for her as she is the only beauty I have locked up inside my heart forever…
Lastly, I love her..! And all these years of her growing up, I have seen my childhood in her..Its sad that you are afflicted by Diabetes. Wish it had happened to me instead. But the only thing that keeps me at peace is my family being together and being there for her..!

2010-08-20T08:24:00.000-07:00

My world on your shoulders,
I lay there forever,
Little whispers of your heart,
linger in my mind..
I lay there forever,
Are you my world I was looking for..??
Are you everything I was looking for..?

2010-08-14T08:34:00.000-07:00

I can draw a heart in the air but you'll cut it into pieces right away...

Bad things that can happen to you..!

2010-08-12T02:08:00.000-07:00

You sneeze more than 3 times in a row.
You figure out that you have more hair on your butt than on your head
You put on your pants and realize they are too tight in the thighs.
You are slightly annoyed but have no idea why.
You realize that knuckles look very odd.
You flip the channels one to many times and have to go back
Being really thirsty and taking a big gulp of your Sprite only to discover that the syrup is out and you have a big nasty cup of carbonated water
Drop your books in the hall
You experience DejaVu
You sneeze while having food in your mouth
the soap breaks
Someone e-mails you a chain-letter
You get caught picking your nose.
One nipple gets hard and pokes you shirt all day but the other one stays normal
You pet the nice doggy, then smell your hand.
Waking up on Valentines Day to the sound of sex through the walls, and you're all alone.
You get the Macarena song stuck in your head
A bird craps on you
You forget to put on a bra & go to work
Some random person squeezes your arse lovingly in a crowd.
Your alarm clock doesn't go off.
You wake up 5 minutes before your alarm clock goes off
The alarm clock did go off
You fail to silence a fart in public.
You lose only one contact lens and didn't bring glasses
You burn your dinner
You realize your fly is open, in public, two hours after going to the bathroom
Your backpack makes the back of your dress ride up exposing your ass
You have to walk in to a REALLY stinky bathroom to wash your hands only to leave and find a long queue outside who are now convinced that you made the stink.
Stuck in a boring conversation
You get someone elses laundry mixed up with your own - its their underwear - and there are skid marks.
A bird poops on your windshield

My Sister and me..!! Her Tryst with Diabetes.

2010-08-11T22:00:00.000-07:00

It was just another day...

Normal day for my family means going by their daily work, Me off to college, my mom attending to the chores of the house or maybe just lazing around taking her well deserved afternoon nap..and my sister all the way at her school..probably jotting down some notes from the black board in her shabby handwriting. But something went wrong that day...

Even the mere thought of that day gives me jittters in my guts. That one day of our lives taught us the lesson of endurance and feeling the pain of someone else. It taught a family to firmly stand by each other and imparting support. Much more than that it made me realise that my darling little sister has indeed grown up..
I hate hospitals. The morose corridors of the ICU, and smell of the I.V and the thought , yet a fact, of people dying there. Not anybodys ideal place is it? Well I was the only daughter to my parents till the age of 12, untill my sister arrived in our lives.Since then she has been the eye candy of the family, relatives absolutely adored her and always asked for her spare photographs. She fair as an angel, with beautiful pair of eyes which looked like world to me, stubby lil nose that turned red at her wailing and crying, fuller cheeks loaded with chubby baby fat and her toothless grin that did win many a hearts. One of the most amazing things about my sister is she has always been a obidient and disciplined child. She was more on the quieter side, always fascinated and pondering away about this large world and curiousity in abundance. She had never been into toys and play things..she was always with a pen in her hand scribbling and doodling away in any books she did find around the home. My dad always had a feeling that she is gonna go very far with well thought out answers and her smart quirky talks and logical questions.She was my dads favourite muse.

I never imagined in my wildest of dreamns that hospital did be her place, even for a short time, untill that day. My sister had been diagonsed with type A Diabetes. She was 8. My family physician who tended to her requested us to admit her to the hospital right away to lower down and control and monitor her dangerous levels of blood sugar in her body.I was a little taken aback when I was informed about this news and was convinced that there had to be some mistake and the symptoms did be wrong.

My mom has always been one of the smartest woman I have ever come across. And she became suspicious of this case when my sister exhitbited the symptoms a few days ago. Constant craving for carbs, hunger pangs and frequency of her bathroom visits during the nightfall. She clearly knew these to be symptoms for Diabetes. My fathers a diabetic as well. He has been a Diabetic for about 20 years now. So yeah Diabetes runs in my family. But nobody imagined it did be my sister who did aquire it. After all she was just my baby sister.
So we took my frail and somewhat confused sister to the hospital later that evening. She was deported to a general ward where she had been tested for her Vitals. The Endocrinologist sugggested that we shift her to the Pediatric ICU where her abnormally high blood sugar levels could be monitored and controlled with doses of Insulin, while he ran some tests on her.And trust me, ICU is one of the most horrible places I have ever been to. and the scariest as well..In the meantime the nurses changed her into the hospital gown and hooked her up to an ECG and blood pressure monitor through wires running down her body. They placed an IV catheter in her wrists.I was dumbfounded..Later , about half an hour later, my dazed sister asked me whats going on. I said I dont know and everythings going to be fine. She was reassured I guess. But I answered that to myself.

*Bleep bleep* went the blood pressure monitor and it seemed normal. she was at 180/70 ( As far as I remember).There were like 4 beds in the ICU with children of different ailment lying aside of my sisters bed, and their parent with their fists on their forehead, fast asleep. After a few hours we had come to know what was ailing their kids. and it did not soothe our nerves. One of them was a 4 month old baby having a "hole in her heart",the doctors say its a hopeless case, wailed the mother of her daughter.I hated that place. I stationed my mom at the side of my sister and thought I needed a walk.Feeling all nauseous, I left the ward and met my crestfallen dad in the hallway talking to the endocrinologist. The doctor reassured us that she is going to be just fine and left us with that word.
This isnt happening..!! I couldnt see my baby sister lying down in some dingy ICU with tubes and wires running through her and out of her. She is only 8 for gods sake..! She was supposed to be riding pink, pretty bicycles, eating chocolates, laughing and watching Snow white on TV. Intensive Care Unit is not a place for her. I couldnt believe how this had befallen her. I look into the bathroom mirror and see fearful tears rolling down my face. She had to pass her english and social science test and NOT some blood test, urine tests and Glucose tests. I wipe away my tears, and tell myself to be strong and go back. I wade through the hallway in a dream like state and enter the ICU donning on my White doctors coat. I see my my sister crying and a nurse standing over her at her bed. I see a handy Glucometer in her hand, And holding my sisters finger tip in the other with a fillet pricking her to get a drop of blood for that Glucometer. She pricks. And it hurts me. the Nurse notes down a significant abnormal number of her Glucose level and leaves. I watch my mother comforting my sister and covering up with the sheets.My eyes are still moist and my mind numb.I just sit beside my sister on her bed and stare into nothingness holding her warm hands.

So this scenario would continue. her agony with pricking her fingers became an hourly basis as a "close observation" would be required. I talked to my sister most of the times and distracted her by explaining about how heart beats in our body, How thunders are formed, How babies are born, all about the solar system, ancient man, earth quakes and some of her favourite bollywood hero. She is real fascinated with science and Biology.I promised I did buy her a bunny slippers I promised her that we did do finger painting once we get out of that hell hole of a place. And I explained this with despair in my heart of seeing her looking all scared and frail. But she did seem a little excited about finger painting. I wondered what if her fingers were too sore from the constant pricking and prodding. How would she do finger painting with me? My father had always been somewhat of a persevering man. And I guess this had him literally shaken. When I went home that late evening to get more supplies and pick up some cloths for my sister, I sat next to my dad in his car as we drove on. He kept rambling on and all I wanted was some silence. My sister had always been nothing short of a princess to him. He was shocked. "She is so young who hasnt seen anything in life as of yet.Diabetes is something she doesnt deserve. I cant dream of denying a chocolate and sweets to an 8 year old.And now she has to be careful about what she eats, what she does and so.It doesnt matter how much money you make, or how successful you are when you kids are having a gruelling time and at the cost of being unhealthy." was his words. I think happiness had been extinguished inside him. I couldnt think about that. My mind were on more important matters. I had to make dinner for my dad, as he is Diabetic too, had to pick up warm cloths for my Sister, Comic books,a Stuffed toy maybe..More importantly I had to get away from my dad and his talks as of now. My mom was at the hospital alone. I wanted to be there beside her...

Continued in PART 2.

2010-08-10T09:44:00.000-07:00

Nafrat kya hoti hain hum nahi jaante,
Zindagi ko hum apna nahi mante..
Ghum mile itne ki ehsaas nahi hota,
Koi pyaar bhi karen to ab vishvaas nahi hota..

2010-08-10T09:42:00.000-07:00

Who knows how long I've loved you,
You know I love you still... Will I wait a lonely lifetime?

If you want me to I will... - The Beatles.

10 Signs that show Facebook is turning Lame like Orkut..!!

2010-08-07T23:47:00.000-07:00

#1 : Random friend request that goes like " Hi I liked your profile..Can we friendship..?"
The best so far I recived was a guy with his Profile Picture of him seated on a bike who adds me with a message : "Hi, I am a man..! "
LAME..!!

#2 : Lame communities like "Kal jo hoyega dekha jayega" taking daily attendence..and jobless people commenting "present sir"..( I personally was a part of this community..but then countless number of posts by them got me annoyed..I unjoined..)
LAME..!!

#3 : Those stupid applications which say "Anita predictions, Paul the octopus psychic predictions, Amora, Lifebox..giving stupid predictions and people going "Oooohh" and "Aaaah" for it..
LAME..!!

#4 : People who update their status like "Had an awesome day/ Had an amazing time at xyz.." Dont you see no one cares..! Next time please dont cross over the limits of informing things like "I am taking crap/I am sneezing"
LAME..!!

#5 : People who update " I am so sleepy..Zzzzz.." Fucking go and sleep..and stop updating it on FB..
the worse are people who go like "goodnight folks"..! Yeah right, We 're waiting for your goodnight wishs or else we re gonna have nightmares..!
LAME..!!

#6 : The "controversial" like pages..especially those of the types : You can see people who visited your profile, Most shocking pictures, Banned ads by Google. I hate you guys..!
LAME..!!

#7 : People who do nothing but click likes on everything..! Extensive personality these are..They like everything and do everything in life..:-/
LAME..!!

#8 : Those people who take "What color are your eyes?/ Whats your personality disorder test/ whats your personality by your sleeping position/ what sex position suits you best" Suckers..!
How can you let computer decide this..? Dont tell me "its just Timepass"..!
LAME..!!

#9 : Those people who just keep playing games and games..and games..Especially Farmville.!
Desh ka anaaj jaaye bhaad mein..Virtual farming karte hain saale..One person literally started to argue with me on this. He said I was rude. And I said Hell yeah..! My jobs done if this offends someone. Yes you 're lame to play Farmville. Sue me..!
LAME..!!

#10 : People who click their own numerous Photographs at the same spot in the same way..and post it here..And all the fucking pictures look the same..Whats the difference..? Look different or just post one..!
And cant forget those wannabe sexy people who upload "sexy" pics..! Yes bitches..Its a Debonaire magazine..bring it on..! :-/.

Disclaimer : Offended are you..? Well That your business..and dont tell the same thing back at me. This is my fucking blog..get the fuck outta here if you dont like what you read. And Oh! please dont defend yourselves..Yada yada yada..! Are you done..?
After all Facebook is a vast platform to express yourselves. I totally understand that. So chill..!!! <3

If UDAAN was made by Karan Johar.

2010-08-07T22:58:00.000-07:00

If Udaan was made by Karan Johar :

#1 The name wouldnt have been 'Udaan' for starters..maybe something starting with K.
How about k-UDAA-daN? Because thats where your movies belong..! BURN..!!!

#2 And Ronit Roy wouldnt have been living in some tinpot house in Jamshedpur..It would have been London or Miami..
And that tinpot Premier Padmini car he drives would have been replaced by some helicopter landing on the helipads of the building.

#3 The protoganist in the movie aka. Rohan wouldnt have to work at some steel factory..Instead he would have been forced to take over a "Baddi Jaydaat" of his father.

#4 Just for an added effect he would have casted Kareena Kapoor as "Poo" as Rohans Love interest.

#5 The background score would have been "Pitra devo bhavam - Acharya devo bhavam" ( Remember K3G?? "Tvame va maata cha pitta tvamevam..? )

#6 Kajol would be in a guest appearing role..Or is that Rani..? Or Preity..?
Karan Johar has the hots for oldies..!

#7 Too many "Sexy Sam" kinda songs..that later becomes a tortune in your head..

# 8 Rohan would discover his mom ( like Rakhee in Karan-Arjun cameo) lying somewhere and discovering the fact that his psycho Dad abandoned her and sent her on an exile..and now She waits all alone in a fit of mercy for the Psycho Dad to take her back. And yes she does all the Karva-Chout ka vrat promptly..! Phew..!

# 9 The "Sautela cute bhai" is all naughty with hi-fi attitude and you wonder "What a fucking spoilt brat"..

# 10 The climax would have been different with families reuniting and Psycho Dad suddenly realising his "mistake" and running towards his son with an Irritating Background score of "Pittro devo bhavam.."

# 11 One John Abraham type guy with his semi nude butt in your face..and all the country's girls going "Woooow" at that chiseled deriere.

# 12 Shahrukh Khan crying to make every audience cry their eyes out. Karan Johar should probably get into some toiletry bussiness, manufacturing Tissue papers to every theatre everytime his movie releases. We need it..!
And heres a market strategy ( for fun of course) : Try and print your face on the tissue papers..You know where we 're gonna use that to "wipe" ass-face..!

# 13 Rohan would discover he has a Nanny called "Ammi". Most movies of Karan Johar has this character. Dont believe me..? Watch KKHH, K3G, KHNH,MNIK..
Maybe it goes back to K-Jo's mommy issues..And it aint hot..!

# 14 Maybe a hindustani Desh-Bhakti "i modified" song. Remember "Raghupati-Raghav-Raja-Ram","Om-jai-jagadish-hare", "Saare jahan se accha" and "Hum-honge-kaamyaab = We-shall-overcome". Fuck you K-Jo.

# 15 Something about Farida Jalal and Aruna Irani...;P

Crapster is what Karan Johar is..You Faggot..!!

2010-08-04T09:28:00.000-07:00

I could sing a song,
about me and you,
Raindrops on my guitar,
Misty fog and the grassy dew..
Gosh, All along I have been saying is,
...I miss you..!
Everybody can see it,
Why cant you..?

"Pump" it up..!

2010-07-26T01:42:00.000-07:00

I am not a big shopper..!
Definitely not the compulsive one. There have been times, at my low points of my life that I have burned a hole in my dads pocket. Buying things for myself makes me happy and elated. Yes,Girls love shopping. Thats a cliche. And I am one of them as well.
I am a shopaholic. But there are specific types. And mine are Shoes..! I love anything that is footwear..Any new sexy pumps, new sport shoes..I have gotta have it..
Shoes make me happy. Shoes make me feel sexy..and something I can always admire have been Shoes. I vouche for cloths as well, But then the size of them remains relative. But with Shoes : One size fits all the time..whether you load on weight or you dont. They 're constant.
I presently own like sixteen pairs of shoes..everything from high heels, sport shoes, pumps,flat forms, Kolhapuri chappals, Shiny and shimmering ones, Cool colorful flats or the strapy ones. You name them and I got it.But sadly I am an extensive walker so wearing heels becomes unquestionable and very painful. So most of them have been locked up in the basement where my mom threatens to dispense with them. She orders with a sour look : "Enough of them..!" What she doesnt understand is, I take pride in my collection..I just love admiring them and wearing them on at home and just feeling good for a while. And I hope there will be occasions where I can wear them.
Some are obsessed with watch and some with cool Shades. I like shoes..! They re one of the best fashion essentials a girls should have.
Like Jennifer Aniston AKA Rachel in FRIENDS (Sitcom) Says when she is recuperating from her act of being a runaway bride at the start of the season and Finds herself in an independent world where she has to find a job and live responsibly, "I dont need a job, I dont need my dads money, 'Coz I got my Boots- boots.." :P :P

I dream you..!

2010-07-22T22:13:00.000-07:00

I wait for an eternity in this moment,
I could walk the chambers of your heart,
Just to feel the rush of the love that resides there.
I could dream of you every night,
I could slip away in the mind of your dreams,
I could sway to your hypnotic tunes.
My thoughts go hiding in you,
Beneath my blue skies,
Come to bedside and make me sleep..

Losing me..!

2010-06-28T10:34:00.000-07:00

Its really over isn’t it?
I see it in your cold dark eyes,
The love you had deep within you has frayed.
I am upto no good in changing this fate,
But I silently pray ..
That someday, I too have a say.

I turn back and walk,
Hoping to the heavens,
Praying for not to rain tonight..
My scars torn open,
And I stare at the long dark road ahead.
Walking all alone,‘Cause you let me go.

I wrap myself in the darkness,
And I don’t think of you.
I hear the noises again,
I wonder if its my heart breaking again..
But then it wasn’t even whole to start with.
But why does it burn this rainy night?

I lay down naked,
Guilty and shamed.
My dignity torn into shambles,
I don’t cry,
I just lay down tonight and ask ‘why?’
Why do we fall everytime we try to fly?

I will not hide my scars,
I will not heal my wounds,
I will keep this fire burning,
I will stare right into your eyes tomorrow,
And tell you I am no shrew.

I will bend,
Keeping bending, till the point I see you break.

2010-06-26T06:50:00.000-07:00

If you understand life, you must be misinformed..! - Paulo Coelho.

"Working out"..

2010-06-24T06:29:00.000-07:00

Why is it that we ‘re so concerned about fitness, but never actually do anything about it? Why do we swoon over a toned washboard abs of men and woman with an hour glass figure ? Why does the whole crowd cheer everytime our very own Sallu Bhai takes off his shirt? Why do we oogle at some skinny model in the calender dressed in the “next best thing to being naked” bikinis? Maybe you can call it respective gender hormones or some wishful thinking of looking like one of them..
This has happened to me…I have been obsessed about a body like a swimsuit model just to dream myself fitting into those LBD’s celebrities seem to carry off on some Red carpet event. Yes I have longed for guys with wash board abs and sweated over Hrithik ‘off-his-T-shirt’ Roshan and Daniel Craig in those sexy blue swimming trunks with broad shoulder and bulging cheek bones walking out of a serene beach. Yes I totally agree with the fact that A good body = good personality..!
So what does one do? Work out..? Jog every morning? Hit the gym? Take kreatin and protein shakes to bulk up? Go on a diet? Yoga?, Kick boxing? Aerobics? Some sort of outdoorsy sports? Or money quencher surgeries and “massage centers’’?

Hell, I considered my options and did what best I could do with my budget and in the view of keeping myself “fit”, I joined a gym..!
And hated it…

So whoever invented the system for lifting heavy stuff and running around and still shell out money and lose extra Kilos? Guess you have got to be on some losing spree..! What a rip off..! The answer goes back to ancient Greek.,where the word gymnasium means “to get naked”. A place designated to educate young men on physical education and sports all naked..! Wish I could go back in time and satiate my voyeuristic appeal of those young Greek god like men sweating it out..! Yeah..!
So back to the story...
I joined a gym and hated yeah?? Well..I can account a lot of reasons as to why I hated it..

#1 : Maybe I am lazy..!
#2 : Maybe I was looking for something less cumbersome.
#3 : Maybe I was looking for something more adventurous.
#4 : Maybe I lacked determination and got bored eventually.

And somehow I give maximum percentage to the last two reason…
The fact is you have got to keep your motivations running at a peak all the time till the end or maybe forever, to successfully say “I work out”, proudly. But that wasn’t the case with me at all.
I was always an irregular person when it came to donning your Reebok shoes and wearing on spandex leggings and running around and keeping a tab of your calorie counts on the console. And plus my gym experience was absolutely dispiriting. The reasons? Well I had woman in their late 20’s or mid 30’s up for working out all the time. And trust me they were no beauties, working out to maintain their godly figure. They were all fat, cellulite loaded chunks of mass balancing on that stretcher and going tipsy on the gym ball.
And I am a healthy individual who gives of the impression that I eat my feelings. And being around with such ‘Cellulite loaded chucks of mass’ wasn’t doing me any good. Because comparatively I loved my body,loved my stomach, loved my butt and loved my legs.. I always ended up thinking “ Atleast I am not like that” watching that ‘Cellulite loaded chunks of mass’ jogging on the treadmills with all her drawers going bounce, bounce, bounce…
So bingo, I hit my all time low. Happy with my hip to waist ratio I take a shower and put on my 32 inch waist jeans ( Thank god!) and ‘medium’ sized t-shirt ( Thanks Jockey)and head home with some feel-good hormones in my system…Probably the only worth thing I acquired. Maybe I should have more attractive and well toned figures working out in my gym. Atleast it would up my jealousy levels and I would hit the treadmill with a vengeance on 12/13 km per hour..! But sadly that didn’t happen with me. And the worst part of all, there weren’t any hot good looking men I could admire and hit on,.for the time schedule I planned was in the evening.
Again I had moushy men with big round bellies working their seemingly absent abs on the floor. Worst deal ever..!!
So then I just gave up and thanked god again for my ever consuming healthy appetite I seem to have which doesn’t let me gain weight by merely breathing air. So Here I am just eating away a Caramel filled chocolate bar and writing this to you.

Lifes good..! :)
And to hell with the gyms and fitness center…

2010-06-15T04:51:00.000-07:00

To that one person who screwed you up for future relationships.... Thanks..!

2010-06-09T10:04:00.000-07:00

I am watching your chest rise and fall

like the tides of my life,

and the rest of it all

and your bones have been my bedframe,

and your flesh has been my pillow.

I am waiting for sleep

to offer up the deep

with both hands.

2010-06-03T00:42:00.001-07:00

Cruel to the eye, I see the way she makes you smile, Cruel to the eye, Watching her hold hat used to be mine..!

2010-05-31T09:39:00.000-07:00

A broken heart is the worst. It’s like having broken ribs. Nobody can see it, but it hurts every time you breathe.

2010-05-22T03:35:00.001-07:00

With my nightmares so old and dry,
I am still scared to sleep.

2010-05-11T05:46:00.001-07:00

Overcoming your weakness makes you a strong person. But sadly, Even that becomes a weakness in other peoples eyes. They inflict the same wounds upon you again, thinking "Oh well, she can handle it."

2010-05-01T06:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in life you feel the fight is over,
And it seems as though the writings on the wall,
Superstar you finally made it,
But once your picture becomes tainted,
It's what they call,
The rise and fall..

2010-04-21T09:52:00.000-07:00

One of the hardest things in life is watching the person you love, love someone else.

2010-04-21T01:15:00.000-07:00

My stomach drops, everytime I think you being with someone else.

2010-04-19T09:27:00.000-07:00

Wonders if people can actually taste the bullshit as it spills out of their mouths?

2010-04-15T06:33:00.000-07:00

Ek lamhe mein simmat aaya,
saddiyon ka safar,
Zindagi tez..
Bahut tez chali ho jaise.

2010-04-12T06:54:00.001-07:00

I will live in you or you will live in me,
Until we disappear together,
in a dream.

2010-04-04T10:27:00.001-07:00

By taking this action, I hope that I will have hastened the start of the healing. - Richard .M. Nixon.

2010-04-02T11:04:00.000-07:00

She said I need you to hold me,
I'm a little far from the shore,
And I'm afraid of sinking,
You're the only one who knows me,
And who doesn't ignore,
That my soul is weeping. - Steven Tyler with 'Just feel better'.

Bitch switch..!

2010-04-02T01:21:00.000-07:00

Once I texted my friend to describe me. And this is what he replied,
" You 're not a self centered attention seeking bitch, who doesnt give a damn about what the world thinks about you."

I replied back," bitch as in? ..and I am not attention seeker, well I no doubt get them..which is a different thing. I know I am not girly type sweet, But atleast I am not fake"

He replied, "Well everyone has their own version of what they mean by a bitch, and my version is not attributed to someone who is straightforward as you. And you 're not girly type, thats what makes you a woman.! For me an ideal girl should be someone who kicks a guy in his nuts when he deserves it."

Another reply, " My version of a bitch is someone who does'nt respect herself for being a woman. If every woman respected herself, this world would have been a heaven."

I replied, " Thank you! I prefer being that way. Atleast no one shits around with you."

And I thought, Score one for me! So start speaking your mind out ladies..!
(Thanks Raghav..)

2010-03-30T02:30:00.000-07:00

Moving on is a simple thing,
what we leave behind is hard.

Naked soul.

2010-03-28T06:27:00.000-07:00

I have been dreading my mind lately,
I dread all my fears come to loose,
in my nightmares so dark.

Why does even a picture with you and her in the coffee shop
make me dream of you both,
Flesh on flesh,
baring your naked soul?

You sweat out of Ecstacy,
and I sweat out of drudgery of you two.
Oh please dont stop,
My subconscious waking mind gets more creative,
with each minute passing by,
and I don't wanna die,
Please don't wake me, sugar pie..!

2010-03-28T06:14:00.001-07:00

In love, no one can harm anyone else; we are each of us responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame others for what we feel. That is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it.

Just once...

2010-03-27T03:55:00.000-07:00

Have you ever known those people who 're the "Have it all" when it comes to relationship. What I mean is, Those people who land up a girl or a guy with a smooth ease, Those who sound like they 're whipped all the time and possess that natural charm and Those who 're naturally alluring to attract any Tom, Dick and Harry. God!, I envy them!
But somewhere I know these people do not value relationships as much as the lesser counterparts do. I mean why would they?, Things are easy, they come and go. Its like a constant inflow of water and they 're the ones having a king sized jacuzzi with scented candles around it. So taking things for granted sets in naturally.
I guess thats one of the most fundamental things about we humans, we value things which don't really come easy. And the things that drop in easy are instinctively considered invaluable. At the end we all run behind things which don't even belong to us. I guess thats how things work. And for once I really wish I had somethings that just came in easy and smooth.
I wish I was just that Hottie at the pub where guys lingered around you. I wish for once I could use all of them up for sole purpose of unconscious sadistic pleasure that Those people seem to derive.
Just once..I want to know how it feels to use someone up completely, make unbound promises and break them later, break their dignity down, insult their friends and leave them to their own selves and say "I dont give a damn to what you feel anymore" and leave. And the best part, I want to leave and find someone else to repeat that same cycle again and call it an "uncanny connection."
Just once I want be a Scarlet O'Hara, who married most men for sole purpose and that is Tara and herself.
Just Once...

2010-03-24T08:42:00.000-07:00

It takes two people to build up a relationship,
but it only take one nosy bitch to destroy it.

I have been tattoed black..!

2010-03-22T10:21:00.000-07:00

"I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,
I know you'll be a sun,
In somebody else's sky,
But why,
Why,
Why can't it be,
Why can't it be mine " - Balck by Pearl Jam.

Complainers..!

2010-03-19T08:18:00.000-07:00

Okay, I complain a lot.
Not that I am an unhappy person, its just my built up frustration tends ease out by constant procrastination. I mean lets face it life's real hard. So yes, Swearing and complaining helps. This can probably bring in two kind of judgment from your side : One, She is an dissatisfied person or two, she is less of a fighter.
And just to be clear I am certain that I am none of these. But I was an angry teenager. I had a raging tempermant ready to snap its jaws on anyone threatening to prod the waters. People actually were terrified of me when I was in school, and for an extra added effect I was a fat kid. Anybody who dared to pounce on my nerves, actually faced physical injuries. Not that I beat them up ( Hello! I am a girl..!)Its just I chucked anything in my hand at the person out of sheer aggressiveness. Be it a metal pencil case, stone, basket ball or whatever the list goes on.But I changed and for the good. I guess as you grow up, you 're more matured and life bitchslaps you at every situation where you learn new lesson all the time and be a better person.
So long story cut short, I am much more calmer and composed now. My temper seems to be in check and I don't lose it all easy.Because somewhere I have come to realise that bringing out your emotions means being vulnerable to things and proves to be weakness in other people eyes. So that leaves me with fighting down my urge to vent that feeling out. So in a more healthy way I whine and complain. Somehow I tend to find it soothing and a much more healthier way to unwind all the knots inside of you. And a much cheaper way as well. Its like a verbal and mental massage!
For sure not many people like people complaining all the time. I don't as well ( thats probably a hypocritic statement, But atleast i am honest.)
But guys give us a break. At this life thats just so hard to sail by you can always bear the brunt of a complainers, and whiners.
So next time you see a person complaining ( Well let me be specific : comaplaining about sensible and rational things), Just nod in agreement and empathize. Its just one of those tapped anger making its way out in a more warming fashion. Unless you 're trying to prod the storm in a sea of poppies..!
Maybe you should try procrastinating for a while. You will soon see the effect yourself.
Love, peace and brotherhood..! ( And not to forget the complainers..)

2010-03-15T08:10:00.000-07:00

I cant believe Humans can be so Naive. They are jealous of people who put a big smile on their face and step out of their home humming a tune. They think they 're the most happiest people.
But what they dont realise is that, its all just a mask to hide the skeletons and issues to just get by life. So wheres the question of being Jealous.

2010-03-09T03:48:00.001-08:00

"How many times do I have to flush before you go away?" - Unknown

2010-03-08T07:33:00.000-08:00

I've got some imperfections,
But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face?

Bobby darling ka swayamvar..!

2010-03-07T08:01:00.000-08:00

Can we have "Bobby darling ka swavamvar" now..? Things might just get a little more interesting..! :-)

2010-03-06T09:25:00.000-08:00

“I had at one point this rather depressing image of some alien culture seeing the death of this planet - coming down in their spaceships and sniffing around; finding all our skeletons sitting around our TV sets and trying to work out why our end came before its time and they come to the conclusion that we amused ourselves to death.” - Roger Waters ( Co-founded Pink Floyd.)

2010-02-28T07:25:00.000-08:00

Losing all hope is real freedom.
- Edward Norton in the movie Fight Club.

2010-02-26T08:44:00.000-08:00

When people abandon their minds, they finally realize that their emotions not only cant guide them anymore but also they cant feel any emotion but terror.

Chain reaction.

2010-02-21T07:01:00.001-08:00

That was a memorable day to me, for it made great changes in me. But, it is the same with any life. Imagine one selected day struck out of it, and think how different it's course would have been. Pause you who read this, and think for the moment of the long chain of iron or gold, of thorns or flowers, that would never have bound you, but for the formation of the first link on one memorable day."

—Charles Dickens

PANGS OF TURNING 20..! Top 20 reasons to complain..!

2010-02-20T23:48:00.000-08:00

#1 : You are not a "Teen" anymore.
#2 : You had a lot of fun being a teenager, and somehow you still feel you have not had enough.
#3 : You havent had as many as flings you thought you did have when you were a teenager.
#4 : No, you didnt pursue photography as your sole passion in your life. Survival tactics came as a major blockade.
#5 : You have to get rid of your funky piercing and goatee you flaunted back then.
#6 : You are not supposed to have erratic emotional behavior as this is solely a trait of a teenager and mentally retarded.
#7 : Your hormones dont go over-drive anymore.
#8 : You dont have much of pimple problem to complain about.
#9 : You 're shocked to discover that you 're still a virgin.
#10 : You dont call your pocket money as 'pocket money' anymore. "Allowance" seems fancy!
#11 : You always have that nagging suspicion that your "plan for next 10 years" if going to fall apart.
#12 : You 're expected to act mature when you dont want to.
#13 : Whatever happened to those times when you were so concerned about your growing chests and penises than your mind.
#14 : You 're more Organised.
#15 : Your music, movies or porn collection gets replaced by 'Project slides and pdf's'.
#16 : Your spend half your free weekend asleep as you claim to be tired all the time.
#17 : You 're demoralized as its time to find The ONE and not just a Hottie from the pub.
#18 : You dont gift your friends cards that say "friends forever".
#19 : You watch the movie 3 Idiots and dont say "Hey, Thats us..!". Instead you say " Hey, that WAS us.."
#20 : Ripped faded jeans dont suit you anymore.And also dont fit you anymore.
And finally.. When the word FUN gets replaced by MBA And EMI.

Self compiled.

2010-02-20T19:49:00.000-08:00

Its still okay when you do not know what you want out of life.
But its important to know what you do not want.

2010-02-19T06:35:00.001-08:00

"When I was a little girl,
I thought the stars were holes in the floor of heaven where the light shone through."

2010-02-11T05:30:00.000-08:00

What do you do when all your emotions go to waste?

The ABC of growing up..!

2010-02-11T05:27:00.000-08:00

Here's the day you hoped would never come,
Don't feed me violins,
just run with me through rows of speeding cars.
The papercuts the cheating lovers,
The coffee's never strong enough,
i know you think it's more than just bad luck.

There there baby,
it's just text book stuff,
it's in the ABC of growing up.
Now, now darling,
oh don't lose your head,
'cause none of us were angels,
and you know I love you.

Sleeping pills know sleeping dogs lie,
never far enough away,
Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt.
I've watched you slowly winding down for years,
You can't keep on like this...
now's a bad a time as any.

There there baby,
it's just text book stuff,
it's in the ABC of growing up.
Now now darling,
oh don't kill yourself,
'cause none of us were angels,
and you know I love you.

Thanks to a friend of mine who put me in touch with this song again.

The Aquarian me..!

2010-02-10T09:18:00.000-08:00

For the first time I found something so appropriate, word by word. Thank you Fantasy world. (A blog)

If you are in love with a woman in this zodiac be prepared to be very happy or be very sorry. She is a very busy person with her own matters similar to a guy in this zodiac. She is able to live by herself without any guy in her life, a very strong person indeed.

Not because she does not have a dream guy, but if she cannot find such person, so what. Because she thinks she could do anything that a man can do. She is a leader, a real confident type. She likes to do things by herself, such as serving herself, opening the door herself.

Because she thinks waiting for a helping hand is a waste of time, and she is not patient enough to wait around for that. If she starts to ask you out, do not think she starts to flirt with you, but because she thinks it is a waste of time to wait for you to be the one who asked. She likes a COOL guy who sometime act like he is ignoring her, so he has a chance to show him his own confident.

She likes to guess her man’s reaction, but at the same time she likes to have many men wanting her. She is a daring type who could just do thing differently from other people in her same society. She dares to fight for what she thinks belonged to her. Even she acts confident she mostly feels lonely and alone. If she breaks up with someone, she won’t show any emotion even deep down inside pain and agony.

Not for long she will come back to be the cheery and merry person again, because she looks at the world positively and has “Faith” in the word “Love”. She has more men friends than women friends, so do not be a jealous type if you date her. She could be slightly jealous, but she hates jealous guy. She loves “Freedom” so before and after marriage, her freedom has to be the same.

She likes you to trust her, even if she does not trust you anyhow. She likes to be the one who is “Right”, so if you argue with her, let her win if it is not a big deal for you in that subject. She is a straight-forward type, so if she does not love you anymore, she will just tell you straight to your face. Her love and relationship are always real, so if she say “It’s over” be prepare to leave, she is not testing you.

She is not a vulnerable type, so do not have to worry about her, she will survive by herself. If she is with you when you get sick, she will certainly take care and look after you, even look after you mean “small loan”. Do not have secret with her, she hates it and really can piss her badly. When she is sad, be understanding.

When she is happy, be happy with her, she likes that. You will not get bore with this type of girl. Someone who is close to her will know that deep down beneath that confident and cold hearted person, she is just as fragile as any woman. She is a fun and talkative person and she likes to tease you. Do not let she talk alone, if you do she will leave.

She has many types of jobs because she believes what a man can do, I can do. If you want her to work for you, forget it. When she is in love, she will just leave her job in the day time just to come to see you, but not for long she will go back to work seriously again. Prepare to live and love with a “Working Woman” then you will be OK. If she mad, find a shelter for the “Hurricane” is here! Her bad temper will last very shortly though.

She is not a revenge type and will not think of “payback” time. Most people might think of her as “One of a guy”, but in fact she is a 100% woman. She is easily hurt, so be nice with her. If she really loves you, then you are lucky because she is an honest, truthful and will never bore you. Understand that sometimes she will be over confident and sometimes like to have power or act bossy.

All is not fair in love and war.

2010-02-10T01:02:00.000-08:00

"All is fair in Love and war."

I would so love to kill Lyly Euphues for inventing this line. I am going to kill him. If he is in hell I will hnag him there as well.

Invisible colour..!

2010-02-08T06:48:00.000-08:00

You paint the picture of your heart,
with colors of life that bring joy to my grey blue skies.
But I am the tint you never needed,
Which brings tears to my eyes.

2010-01-27T09:19:00.000-08:00

Paralyzed,
Lips of Ashes,
Synchronized,
Blue vein crashes.- Porcupine Tree.

2010-01-25T09:08:00.001-08:00

Love cannot save you from your own fate.
- Jim Morrison

Opposites Attract???

2010-01-23T07:43:00.000-08:00

There is a show telecasted on channel V, which is the second best Music and lifestyle channel in India, which is called "Channel V Dare To Date?". It involves about hooking up two different and characteristically opposite people on a romantic Date. Its funny how the two, who are bound to spend the day with each other and get to know each other or worse come what may, endure each other for a whole day according to the rules of this "Dating service".
The Host of the show ( Who seemingly looks gay and acts like one. And mind you I said 'seemingly'.)is outrageously annoying and sometimes I am tempted to just chuck the remote at my Telly. And well the contestants who apply for this kind of shows, seem to me that they don't really have relationship problems, or mentally retarded, or less attractive. Maybe they 're on the show for 30 minutes fame. But somehow more than fame they seem to make a fool out of themselves by acting out themselves on their "date".
But I am not here to comment on how garish the show is or how funny I find the whole concept. But I was just wondering if hooking up "opposites" does work and stand by that age old saying "Opposites attract each other". Maybe this concept was derived from Atomic sciences where its is said, Like poles repel each other and Unlike poles attract each other. Who knew?
But honestly extending the thought, how opposite are we talking about here? I have heard that opposites attract each other a lot many times. But do they really? For me dating has always worked with a person who has some amount of similar interests or has the same intellectual mentality as me or atleast agrees with me and respects me for it. I wonder if a soft spoken, well mannered, conservative and traditional girl date a vulgar, aggressive and ill mannered slob? I know I would'nt. By mystics, I do believe astrologically opposite signs do attract each other. For example, an Aquarius and a Leo, Scorpio and Taurus, Aries and Libran. Maybe here its true. But leaving this aside, characteristic differences are bound to repel each other, and I am saying this through experience. Some say opposites are attracted to each other as they balance each other out. But too much of difference can also hamper ones stability and peace in a relationship. Guess all look for a relationship which is more balanced out and completes us.

After all we are'nt living in a perfect world. We need to work towards making one. or maybe just accept the fact that 'nothings perfect' is less cumbersome.

2010-01-18T19:48:00.000-08:00

I believe that when we look for love courageously, it reveals itself, and we attract even more love.
If one person really wants us, everyone does.
But if we're alone, we become even more alone. Life is strange.

Lines from the official Paulo Coelho Blog..!

Eclipse my heart..!!!

2010-01-15T04:53:00.000-08:00

"High on her speculative tower
Stood Science waiting for the hour
When Sol was destined to endure
That darkening of his radiant face
Which Superstition strove to chase,
Erewhile, with rites impure."

By William Wordsworth from The eclipse of the sun."

What goes around, Does it really come around?

2010-01-13T08:26:00.000-08:00

I remember reading a play in my school days called 'A Christmas Carol written by Charles dickens.The story revolved around a man called Ebenezer Scrooge, who was a cold hearted and a shrewd man, who neither had any empathy nor the contempt for the poor as he often said "the world would would be better off without them." he also had a distaste in merriment the Christmas brought along, and doesnt agree on giving his clerk Bob Crattchit an early pay on Christmas eve. And at bedtime before the night of the Christmas dawn he is visited by the "ghost of the Christmas past" who is his ex bussiness partner Jacob Marley. So the ghost shows him the different phases of his life that is the past of Ebenezer Scrooge, the present and the yet-to-come future.
Ebenezer Scrooge after witnessing his own downfall for his neurotic behavior to Christmas and the misery put the entire family of his clerk Bob Crattchit does not go down well with his conscience. Henceforth he promises the Ghost of the Christmas past to change and live a new life with a better attitude. And he being thankful to the ghost of the Christmas past turns into a kinda hearted, and a generous man, enjoying his every Christmas from then on.
Well Scrooge had the chance to redeem and repent and rectify his mistake. I loved this tale and believed in it. But somehow in time, reality hits hard and you realise life is'nt all fair at all. What with the world changing so fast, just the wink of an eye and its gone. So I wonder with this world changing fast, life has shifted into a high gear and you don't really have the time to look back and ponder over the past. So where does the question of "rectifing" mistakes come from, when we 're constantly focused on our future.
So the past renderings lay forgotten. Not that its all bad, as time and tide wait for none. What I mean was, We re caught up with process of bounding forward we fail to realise something called Humility and Rationality. everybody wants to be a winner, everybody wants to make it to the top, and that too sooner the better. And for this some people resort to desperate and unfair means, even if it means compromising our own principles. I can give you tons of examples :
Politicians who do everything at the time of poll elections,
Casting couch scandal.
Reality Show and their revolutions and revelations of inside scoop of famous celebrities.
Paparazzi bitten shutter bugs.
Saintly preachings. and I could go on
Human beings are selfish. and sometimes I ask where is this going to take us? Will it be for a better tomorrow or are we heading to our destruction? How can god give everything to people who are not so good enough to receive it? How does this logic of Gods work, does he make everything seemingly available for someone who doesnt deserve it? When you see better things happening to bad people, how do you justify "what goes around comes around?" Just like Ebenezer Scrooge, who realised nothing god is gonna happen with his shrewd attitude.

Theres no one to give this answer is there? Or I guess maybe we should'nt be asking these questions as it is below us to question what life or god gives us. But somehow I would want to converse with god on this. But till then, tell me what to re-instate my faith in? In the blind divinity or diminishing rationality of human beings?
"Between the noise you hear, and the sounds you like,
Are we just sinking the ocean of faces?
It can't be possible... the rain can fall,
Only when it's over our heads.
The sun is shining everyday, but it's far away.
Over the world that's dead."
( One Republic with "all the right moves")

" Oh..! heaven let your light shine down..!"

2010-01-11T07:09:00.000-08:00

The feeling of fear draws a blanket,
Pray for this night to wake up in the dawn.
I am scared of the dark.
I am scarred to the soul.
I smell the ashes in the air,
Of my own jealousy inrapt.
I look above for an angel to fall,
beyond the skies from a painted white galaxy.
The stars shine their heat upon me,
But I am not as cold all the way through,
getting there,
Waiting to get there.
Cant make it through.
Th heaven knows I am miserable now,
Please lift the veil of dark overhead,
and shine your light down on me tonight.

Hulla Bol??

2010-01-03T08:25:00.000-08:00

I wonder what all the Mumbaikars, who have lost their loved ones or near and dear ones in this recent terrorist attacks that befell Mumbai, feel when they see Ajmal Kasab and his on going trail. I mean lets face it, Kasab is right now the most safest man in India. Even though jailed and all.
And I don't understand why, government of India bothers with him. Extracting information about a killer I guess is unnecessary. he is'nt going to talk and he is going to come up with every new stories his lawyer can think off.
I think we should enforce capital punishment and just hang him to death. Or even better gas him.

I am sure people, who seek justice, are enraged that its almost been a year and Kasab is like a celebrity occupying the front page from time to time. Its time we wake up and give the justice that people deserve..!

Don't you think its time we do something about this? I mean I know, easier sad than done. But don't you think its time we toss that cliched line away and do something? It time we wake up and demand the justice we so ardently seek.

When Atlas Shrugged did the world fall off..?

2009-12-31T07:45:00.000-08:00

"Throughout the centuries there were men who took first steps down new roads armed with nothing but their own vision. The great creators--the thinkers, the artists, the scientists, the inventors--stood alone against the men of their time. Every great new thought was opposed. Every great new invention was denounced.
But...the men of unborrowed vision went ahead. They fought, they suffered and they paid. But they won."
( From Ayn Rand from the book The Fountainhead. These lines definitely keep me going. Because I have realised anything different and anything fresh or a new idea gets all the attention as well as opposition on its side.

So we must struggle, and struggle and win, If thats what has to happen at the end.

I gotta believe it's worth it.
Without a victory,
I'm so sanctified and free,
Well maybe I'm just mistaken.

Lesson learned and the wheels keep turning..

This is the world that we live in,
I can't take blame for two.
This is the world that we live in,
And maybe we'll make it through

"U-Dit" it..!

2009-12-28T07:08:00.000-08:00

Wish he meant it when he kissed me 'cause then I could look back and see someone who loved me, but I can only go back and see someone who used me.And I think for a few minutes you made me feel as though I actually meant something to someone.

( click on the picture to see an enlarged version.)

"...Me? I play like a cheetah."

2009-12-22T07:36:00.000-08:00

"When I was about eight or so, I tried making friends with god by inviting him to watch the world series with me. But He never showed."

The starting lines of the movie The Basketball Diaries. (A true story based on Actor, Poet and Writter, Jim Caroll.)

"Not in me, Its in you..!"

2009-12-22T05:58:00.000-08:00

And I find peace,
When I'm confused.
I find hope when
I'm let down,
Not in me,
But in You

I hope to lose myself
For good,
I hope to find it in the end,
Not in me,
It's You,
It's all I know.

HARSH REALITY!!

2009-12-21T05:47:00.000-08:00

"Have you ever been in love?
Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like smile at you, and then your life isn't yours anymore.
Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'Maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.
It hurts.
Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart kind of pain."

Found it on facebook...!

.."You belong with me..!"

2009-12-18T21:11:00.000-08:00

I listen more closely than ever,
My Saturdays seem to speak to me,
In little whispers of joy streaming through.
I follow you more closely than ever,
All the footsteps you left behind.
which leads me back to you.

So won't you come around..?

"I am gonna get you good"

2009-12-12T05:55:00.000-08:00

With so many failed relationships ( Without my mistake), I have come to realise that the man of my dreams is'nt any Engineer, or some Intellectual savvy or a rockstar..!

He must be a different ballgame altogether.
And I am going to find him. Even if it takes an eternity.

"I'm gonna getcha while I gotcha in sight,
I'm gonna getcha if it takes all night.."

Dont forget me..!

2009-12-08T20:47:00.000-08:00

"I'm the rainbow in your jail cell
All the memories of everything you've ever smelled
Not alone, I'll be there
Tell me when you want to go"

Dedicated to my friend Vinaya..!

Already Woken up..! :-)

2009-12-04T08:22:00.000-08:00

The newest addiction for me right now is Ranbir Kapoor..! Gosh he is cute and I so cant get him off my mind..! Unintentionally, I have actually watched all his movie. Its a wonder..!
Still trying to get that 'towel dropping act' out of my head from the movie Saawariya..! ( panting like a dog..! :-P )

Do pal..!

2009-12-03T06:39:00.000-08:00

Do pal ruka,
Khwaabon ka kaarvaan,
Aur phir, chal diye, Tum kahaan, Hum kahaan.

Do pal ki thi,
Ye dilon ki daastaan,
Aur phir, chal diye, Tum kahaan, Hum kahaan.

The Requiem..!

2009-12-01T05:46:00.000-08:00

Tell me what has become of me?
I see the green but I don't see the red,
Silent dreams that are left unsaid.
My dreams have faded black.
I am left aside, put in the limelight,
and left aside again.
Oh! the path seems lonely,
My Lord heal the hurt and pain.
I lose my pride bit by bit,
In that moment that crept by.
I long for that feeling,
That feeling of eternity.
My soul seems unrest and grieving.
By the constant lack of sensibility.
Wonder if I have lost the reason,
to everything and for everyone.
I saw you cry,
I saw you survive.
But I am barely through.
I dig my way in most of the time.
Hope you don't mind.
After all I become blind.
from time to time.
As days pass by,
I realise, there is more to me than my pride.

Love dont cost a thing..!!!

2009-11-25T23:05:00.000-08:00

"Love is on your list of things to do,
To bring your good luck back to you.."

(Sheryl Crow with 'Good is good')

I have an interesting theory..! ( Now don't you roll your eyes at me. :-P)
This might be a very common question asked by everyone : What is Love?
And I asked this to a lot of my friends too, and I got pretty interesting answers. And I am going to mention their names here because somewhere I feel you deserve a place in my post and I am going to do that age old "Parda-faash" on you guys..! :-P

Everybody I have conversed with has had a lot to say and brought in their own twisted little beautiful heads they seem to possess. So let me account to what they have been telling..!
First of all,I would start of with my friend
Prathima: She says, Love is all about attaining perfection when you meet that special person. As far as I know, she is one person who constantly waits for that Mr perfection. And while I tell her, nobody is perfect she discard my views on this. She is an independent creature who is aloof and lives life on her own terms. She all about the cuteness and dimpled darling you would find around. For her finding love is about meeting a perfect human being who would fight against the world for her if he has to.

Nav Krishna : Now this is one chilled out person I have seen. He does have the passion and is driven to getting the person he wants . He somehow manages to see the good in the person he loves, no matter what. He once told me he would want love to be in the form a 'cool friendship'. He would want a girl who would hi-fi him,go scuba diving with him and also emotionally support him. And I have noticed he is mostly to fall for a girl who is more sorted and emotionally more stable and stronger.

Manish Jaiswal : Now I have found a more interesting twist here. All though a scorned lover and a cynic, he has his head held on strongly over his shoulder, meaning he is a strong willed person. He seems to think love is all about the hormones raging through. He tells me, "You would'nt actually think much of passion and lust when you re old and crippled. Now ask me why?" And I asked why, and there came a scientific reply, "..because old people lack in hormones and energy." I guess somewhere I would agree, In old age its all about the companionship and support. In a more younger age, the hormones makes us even more fascinated with the idea of romance, passion,lust, adventure and a fairy tale love story to top it.
Although a element of friendship and companionship sustains a relationship, But at the first what attracted you to him/her was your passion and curiosity which we youths tend to have in plenty..!

Siddhesh Naik : This guy is more of a practical person who likes deciphering peoples psych. He has a interesting answer which probably forces you to think. He says, " People are in love with the 'Idea of falling in love'. Now this was something I didnt understand at the start. But once I got him elaborating over this, I think I understood what he meant. Yes, we all dream of a fairy tale love, and want to fall in love in a more enchanting manner, We definitely are in Love with the idea of falling in love. But then I argued back, " I Like the feeling of being in love and you do as well. But how many people actually make you feel that way? Not everybody right, so that feeling is arised only by that special someone and not just about everybody."

Poulami Mukherjee and Me : Okay we have the same needs as far as love goes. We like someone who is a real man and for once who can take the reigns in his hands and we can just sit back on an easy chair. We re in an fascination with those men who Give us the "Daddy factor" quality. We like to be taken care off but that does'nt mean we need constant fuss. We re pretty independent creature, and are fine on our own. We long for a man who has his own ideals and virtues who can also be fun to spend time with. We like the charmers and men who have the aura in them which sweeps us off our feet..!

Deepak haridas : Now this is one person who would go to any lengths to keep you by his side. Very compromising and sweet, he comes across as a quiet person looking for adventure. And he prefers girls who are smart and dignified. Loud and Crass woman generally don't seem to attract this guy. But he is very adaptable. He looks for someone who can support him emotionally and puts up with his constant mood swings. He does'nt really think about fairy tales and as such. But definitely cherish the moment when he "met her". He likes girls who can shift from one thing to another because he claims that he gets bored after a while. So I guess change is the mantra for him, and he constantly looking for something new.

Whatever might be the love we long for or the way we define it. We all need to be loved and cared for and that itself would keep you content. Its just a nice feeling to having to talk to a person at the end of the day without being judged upon.

Let me know what your idea is.! I am all ears..! :-)

"Oh..What a beautiful letdown..Crashed and burned."

2009-11-24T00:51:00.000-08:00

I wonder if it feels any good in breaking a person to their core, and shun them into an oblivion, from which, you know, they would never emerge.

I wonder if it feels any good..!

"Take me down to the Paradise city, Where the grass is green...."

2009-11-22T09:35:00.000-08:00

They say Life is a journey about finding yourself.
But I prefer staying lost all the time,
Because Ignorance is bliss..!:-)

2009-11-19T07:59:00.000-08:00

"Two lovers born into this life,
Each born alone half of a whole.."

Where is my half of the world..?