Bol..! Tu Roadie Banega?

It’s the age of “reality shows”.  And Roadies…this is one show that can get me irritated in an instant. It runs on simple formula: Round up on a bunch of losers from different corners of the country who have their “life goal” to be a “Roadie”. I wonder what that even means. Is it like a new career trend that has come to existence?  No, no Let me rephrase that simple formula yet again:

Step1. Round up on a bunch of losers who are exceptionally good at swearing and fluent with all the cuss words that ever existed.

 Step 2. Give them fancy bikes and make them go all over the country and make them do some tasks that you never do in real life which is apparently designed to test ‘Kisme hain kitna dum’.

Step3. Brutal vote out where everyone claims that everyone backstabs them.

Step 4. Bring on Raghu- Rajiv “the bobble head twin spinsters” who are very much capable of calling each other ugly.

Step5. Sandwich poor Ranvijay  in between.  And Note: Ranvijay is the “ultimate roadie” turned “Abyssmal actor” in small budget Punjabi movies now a days.

 Step6: Capture all the fights, arguments, the “Haata-paayi” the “Roadies” seem to have on camera. The most common key words you can hear over and over again other than desi Gaalis are: Backstabing, Khunass,fake, loser, aukaad, low level, mind games,planning/plotting, task, performer/non performer, immunity, vote out, survival,twists….

Voila! : Your very own Roadies!

Some of my favourite sentences which are a cliché in every episode are: “Tunne mereko backstab kiya”, “Sab game khel rahe hain”, “Scroll aaya Scroll aaya”, “Jab hum task ke location par pahunche toh humne dekha ki…”,” Mere mein energy level bilkul kum ho chukka thi”, “..because this is roadies”, “Mujhe pakka vote out karenge”, “Hum apne bikes pe baithe..” …

Once you do win the title of Roadies, you get into another reality show and manage to win one crore by sheer cheap gawar-giri you possess and your desi charm. Or make a sex tape of yourself and flee the country. 

And the very own producers of the show are bored of making stupid shows with stupider youth who think our prime minister is “Rajiv Gandhi”. Mind you this comes out of people staying in “saaddi Dilli”. Maybe schools in Delhi should start planning out excursion trips around Delhi and show them the parliament and other historical monuments. So that they atleast learn the name of our President and Prime Minister. Oh! the shame... So after brutally testing their patience with the low level IQ our generation  seem to possess, they announce that this season is going to be the last one and its going to be “Faadu aur Dhamake daar”. I mean I understand, dealing with weirdos who come over and say “Main apna 100% dunga” ‘aiwain’ can get tad bit annoying and seems like our very own twin-u’s have the patience of Miss Dolly Bindra who fly of their handle and belt the shit out of them and threaten them with “Abbey Ghused doon ga”. One question to the producers: Why do you like stuffing things up peoples ass? Do you like anal?

So people who actually take Roadies seriously what does it take to be a Roadie?

-You should be able to do Back flips, Nanga-naach, Push ups, and always be mentally prepared to get your ass whipped.

- You must know how to abuse and belt the shit out of a fellow guy. The shorter temper you have the better  chances of you to be selected.

- You can be an idiot and a total weirdo with a tattoo of Aishwariya Rai on your belly.

-You should know “Shudh hindi” (read: Hindi mein gaali).

You  be the judge.

What ever happened to that quiz show hosted by Derek O’ Brian on Sunday mornings? The youth of today think, it aint cool to read news papers anymore or watch the news anymore. Even their “mom-dad” seem to give them loads of cash which is spent on hooka, booze, smokes and condoms.  And these creatures seem to love trash metal or Honey Singh (Yo yo!), and comment on Roadies posts on Facebook religiously. And mostly the comments go like this : “Hi frdzzzz..add me”, “Hi Riya. Aap bahut khubsurat ho”, “Sadiyal”, “Eww..she is cheap”, “Maa ka l***a iski toh main Maa Ch*****ga. Kitna feku hain saala”, “Hey grlzzz! Hot cock here. Add me.” 

 

!!!

 

*Sigh!*

Someday just out of curiosity check out a Times of India post and a MTV Roadies post, just look at the number of likes and you will be worried as to where our country is headed.

Also the next time you find that one person who follows Roadies like a religion and buys a Roadies inner boxers and bedsheets and thinks it cool, slap him hard. Real hard. And then ask him Raghu Ram style : “Abey Ch****ye tera dimaag ghaas charne gaya hain? *Beep-Beep-Beeep-beep-Beeeep-beep*

And some more Beep!
 

                                             ** Bante hain, bigadte hain, 
                                            Raahon mein raat kat thi hain yahan. 
                                                            (yahan)
                                                            Ooohhh! **